Sometimes Love is Not Enough
by ElleThom
Summary: After A Night of accidental bliss, what happens to our two favorite agents. COMPLETED!
1. Default Chapter

So I cry sometimes when I'm Lying in bed

Just to get it all out what's in my head

Am I, really peculiar

And I wake in the morning

And I step outside

And I take a deep breath

And I get real high

And I scream at the top of my lungs

What's going on?

-Four Non Blondes

To his credit he really was trying to work, not the usual paperwork dodging, web surfing, but actual paperwork. Oh well he thought as the short red head peered at him from under one raised eyebrow, it was good while it lasted.

"Mulder, what the hell are you doing?" she asked in her usual incredulous tone.

"I ah, that is I- would you believe I am doing work?" he finally flustered out.

"MmmmmHmm,"" she acquiesced and plopped herself hard into her desk chair" I don't know Mulder, first you're doing work next thing a spaceship will land"

"Do not finish that statement Scully," He mocked seriousness.

They had been cooped up in their basement surroundings for over a month, no cases became the mantra it had a bad beat and no you could not dance to it.

"I'm outta here, " she finally said slamming short high heeled feet onto the floor simultaneously," If it gets any more boring around here I am gonna have to find a fourth reason to have my name in those damn files and I can tell ya Mulder, it AIN'T gonna be without dragging your sorry ass with me this time." She grinned grabbing him by the lapels.

"Wait, I'm coming too, maybe this time I can take a couple of those bastards out with me!'

They walked out of the Hoover building and into the hot summer sun that enveloped all of DC like a sauna gone out of control. He escorted her through the parking lot, hand resting surely on the small of her back.

"Mulder," she mused as she opened her car door, mildly gagging from the overpowering heat within," you ever think that normal people are out there, living lives going on with their existence, paying bills going to Wal-Mart…"

"You hate Wal-Mart Scully, it gives you hives " He grinned not sure where this impromptu conversation was headed. Or maybe all too sure…

"That's not the point here Mulder, and I don't know if I can explain it. When I first started on the X-files, I used to get up before the alarm went off, the more intense the case, the earlier I was up. Lately, I don't know, lately I haven't had a reason to not hit the snooze alarm, roll over and go back to sleep. Maybe that is the real truth that is out there Mulder, not endlessly chasing windmills, but chasing dandelions off your front lawn, or chasing kids into the house finally on days like this. Maybe the Truth that we have been searching for that has eluded us for so long is that, maybe that is why we never get anywhere near it." A sad smile crossed her full lips as she placed her sunglasses on her perfect face and popped on the radio. "See ya later Mulder."

He didn't know what to say to her, so he stood in the soft afternoon sun darting between the posts of the FBI parking garage, dazed and a little unsure of, of what? He watched her drive off in her car, pointed towards home. He knew what she meant, knew what she wanted and the cold hard facts of their lives. or in this case the lack there of. He tried to tell himself that she was just bored, it had been a long time since they had had a blood pumping battle for life and death with alien bounty hunters, or had a late night visit or abduction. Yeah that's it he thought as he placed his car into first gear and headed off towards home. She'll take a hot bath, and a stiff drink and watch Miss Congeniality again and then she will be his Scully again, did he just think that out loud?

Sp tell me guys, should I finsh? Should I go on? Review I hav an idea for where this is going, a very good one I just have to have a little encouragement. I can guarentee once a week updates, I have a full load of classes this semester but i think i can handle it LOl

Go easy this is breaking my fan fic cherri...


	2. What happened?

And if I seem to be confused

I didn't mean to be with you

And when you say I scared you

Well I guess you scared me too…

-Concrete Blonde

He had fallen asleep on his couch again, the damn thing was good for putting him to sleep, it was the only reason he kept the old relic from his frat days around. If a certain red- headed partner of his knew the things that had gone on within its worn folds, she would never sit on it again-scratch that, she would arrive one morning to burn it herself stopping only long enough to culture a few of the interesting patches for later date..

He smiled at the thought of her as he was drifting off into sleep, she had left one of her jackets on his couch a couple of days ago, a cool morning had turned into a blistering afternoon of smiles and gentle reflections- God it was wonderful. Just sitting with her that day, feeling her slender body shake with laughter from the stupid jokes he told.

And like every other night for the past five years, the couch worked in cahoots with his overactive imagination and sent him off into sleep….

Softness and heat were the first things he was aware of, the sensation of love that swept over him made him for an instance, question whether he was dreaming or actually gone to meet his final redemption. He stretched his hands out into the darkness that surrounded him to feel – feel for anything. Touching lightly he felt the softness that could only be another human being. What the hell he figured grinning to himself; it was going to be another one of those dreams that weren't his. If he had more of these he wouldn't need those damn tapes anymore. Silently thanking whatever God that he believed in, he gave into the pleasures of the flesh over and over again until the tide of morning washed the dream away.

The alarm clock above his head didn't even go off, not that he had expected it to, iot hadn't worked in two years, but it still kept pretty good time 11:32 am, "Shit" he thought Scully is gonna kill me.. This begged an interesting question, why hadn't his phone chirped at all to alert him of her calling to come over and kill him.

That was only the first of many questions that morning. He had gotten his phone out and cursed the empty messages before he realized …. Why the am I Buck Ass Naked?

The ringing of the phone in his right hand brought him clear of his reverie

"Mulder…" was all he heard.

"Scully?" Nothing it was dead on the other end. He hit the send button and called her phone. A pleasant sounding message informed him that Dana Scully was away from her phone. Mulder of all people knew that never happened unless…..

"SCULLY!" He yelled into the phone, he jumped off the couch feeling the sick ooze of his sweat dried body peeling off the leather couch in the June heat.

He made it to her apartment in record time. Panting he made it up to the door of her apartment. He used his key to get in, not finding the door ajar or even unlocked he felt a wave of relief though mild. At least he could ascertain they had not entered through the front door. There was still hope.

Instinctively he made his way to the bedroom, noting the almost eerie silence of her rooms as he crossed to the threshold of her bedroom.

"Scully?" He said to the seemingly sleeping supine form sprawled on the bed. She was there, naked as he had found himself this morning.

"Scully he said a bit louder, not sure he could touch her, in her nudity would she deck him for breaking into her apartment and finding her in such a state.

"Scully!" He almost screamed, and yet she did not stir, the gentle rise and fall of her chest let him know she was alive, alive and his heart skipped a beat at the realization that although she was in fact alive, she was not going to awaken easily. For the hundredth time in his life, Mulder held Scully's slender fingers in one hand, and dialed 911 with the other.


	3. Let it Be

When I find myself in times of trouble

Mother Mary comes to me

Speaking words of wisdom

Let it be

And In My hour of Darkness

She is standing right in front of me

Speaking words of wisdom

Let it be

-The Beatles

He was holding her hand, tracing the endless paths of wires that criss-crossed her tiny body. It was so sickeningly familiar to him, sitting there in a hospital with her lying motionless in a bed. This time it was somehow different. All the other times there was hope, even with the cancer eating away at her and tearing her from him piece by piece, there was still hope. This was different. The doctors would not find anything wrong with her. She was just there sleeping for the last week since he found her in her bedroom, naked and unresponsive.

He spent most of his time here, talking to her, stroking her hair, begging her in tearful rhythms to wake u and come back to him. But in all of his midnight ramblings to the still form, one question remained, one truth left hanging by a thread how?

Mulder went back to the night in his apartment, the night he dreamed of intense and complete pleasure, and fulfillment. She had been discovered by him in the same naked state, but how? Is it possible that he had done this to her?

He tried to push the thought out of his usual self loathing mind. It was so like him to take the blame for things he had no control over, and yet this was his fault, some how he knew this was his fault.

Maggie had been wonderful, the first night in the hospital they had taken up either side of Scully's bedside, talking to each other, talking to Scully, Talking of Scully.

It was Maggie Scully who finally got him to go home, eat something and peel off the layers of muck that had collected over him after five days straight of hovering over his partner. Now he sat at least a cleaner man, if not a saner one.

Four weeks later…

Maggie met him at the door of Scully's room; she had the look of a woman who had just accidentally eaten dinner with Satan himself.

"Fox…" she began looking him in the eye, "There is something you should know.."

"Mulder, pessimist as always immediately assumed the worst "I s she...uh oh…Is she?" Maggie tried not to smile at the intense feeling this man held for her daughter, no smiling would not be right this was no time to smile. Her daughter had sat in a comatose like state for over five weeks now and no one had any answers, except there was something new now.

"No she is fine." She said, Mulder jumped a little at her choice of words. Fine never meant fine to a Scully, it was the first rule of the handbook. "Then what? He asked, pausing to try to read the look on her face.

"I don't know if you are the right person to inform, I don't know a lot about my daughter's personal life, especially when it comes to you…" she trailed off getting a little flustered.

"Mrs.-Maggie I have always relied on your candor when it comes to your daughter, please tell me what's going on I am sure I can help." He began, trying not to get to aggravated with a woman who has been a better mother to him in five years than his own had in forty.

"She's pregnant Fox.." She blurted out, noting the fallen look on the man's face that stood across from her. "She's pregnant and they want to kill her baby to try to save her."

Mulder's legs began to buckle below him, he felt his body sway and then fall sliding against the wall to land on the floor just beside the heavy wooden door of Scully's hospital room. "I did this to her.." He muttered

"Excuse me?" Maggie asked trying to get some clarification on what she thought she heard come from his lips, a declaration she herself had gently mused, and believed herself to be true, at least the baby part of it.

"I did this to her Maggie!" He screamed through his hands that covered his face in shame.

"So you two were…"she wanted answers, at least she had to have that.

"No something happened the night before I found her like this, I don't know exactly but putting two and two together often leads to five." He smirked, relying on his dry wit again in troublesome times.

"So you two weren't… then I don't see how this can be your fault Fox" She was a little disappointed that it was not his fault, but she was very good at hiding that.

He knew it was time to come clean, tell her what he knew already that it was his fault, the timeline just fit. Somehow he had put her in danger somehow he had caused this. "We have time to sort this out Maggie, I need to go see her."

"Wait, Fox I don't think it is a good idea to mention anything to her about.." she frowned " That is to say that the doctors are not quite sure how to handle it and I don't know what I am going to do about the pregnancy."

He stopped opening the door "What do you mean? If the doctor's think it will save her life then by all means it should be. terminated." He bit back after letting the words escape his mouth. He knew how much Scully wanted a family, but she is a doctor and would make the same call. wouldn't she?

"It is not that simple, you know how much Dana's faith is to her, she would not go along with something like this, and I cannot be the one to make that call." She was agonizing he could tell, but his mind was already made up.

"Then I will, she has to wake up Maggie if this is what will cause that to happen then why is this such a tough call to make?" He was getting angry now, he knew in the end Maggie had the final say, knew what she would choose but he still had to launch his ownopinion for Dana's defense.

"You are right Fox," He smiled until she finished " We have time to sort this one out, but I can tell you I am going to take the best interest of both of them into account." He could see why Dana was so stubborn, that wasn't the kind of thing that skipped a generation.

Shirking off the conversation, he opened the door and stepped into the room of his true partner. Her motionlessness really stabbed at him.In a way he always expected her to be awake, and each time he opened the door to her stillness was another slap in the face. He absently arranged the flowers and cards by her bed and opened the shades to her room to get sunlight He hated it but she was not a dark soul as he was, flowers needed light.

"Come on Scully," he said placing his hand over hers. "You have to get up, I need to talk to you c'mon you can't ignore me forever." He often used jokes and tease to try to get a rise outta her, anything to try to get through. He once brought a boom box and played Brittany Spears right into her ear, but the nurses on the floor had asked him to refrain from using that tactic ever again.

It had become habit to come here after work; he spent much of his time there trying to decipher what had happened to her. Part of him wanted to run out of that office seal it upon as a shrine to Scully and not return till she awakened. But he had long decided that much like the answers to his sister's disappearance, the answers to Scully's present state lie within the confines of that office.

Most people avoided him now, though no one knew of this new bit of news, everyone still found a way to graciously avoid the basement, and him. He was grateful for that, even though there reasons were selfish, he did not want the gentle soothing words of comfort. He wanted to twist, after all this was his fault. Those brave enough to enter his space in the break room and on the elevator were met with the hollow stare of a man who no longer feared death in any form. His worst fears had come to fruition and at his own hands…or other body parts so to speak. He cringed at the thought of that. How could he have been so careless? And how did he explain to anyone that in some way that even he could not understand yet, he had raped his partner, sent her into a coma, and now knocked her up. "Great he mused out loud to no one "How the hell are we gonna get outta this one Scully?"

He glared at her, she still wore the gold cross, it laid around her delicate neck, the light catching it and sending sparkles around him. He knew what she would choose, it was just so Scully, but he could not live with that decision. He silently cried as he held her hand in the nearing dusk of the hospital room.

One week later

"They're moving her to a long term care facility. "Maggie informed him in the cafeteria of the hospital as they sat not eating a late dinner "Given the circumstances she will be on the critical floor in that facility.

Mulder knew what those circumstances were, he could not face Maggie's eyes, he was so angry at her, at Dana, at himself. There was no one to understand. "I would like to have a DNA test done as soon as..' she tapered off. He nodded and looked the other way.

Somehow he thought it was pointless to even test when he himself along with Maggie knew how it would turn out. But there was so much about this that he did not understand, had he sleep walked? was it a dream. She had once said that a dream is an answer to a wuestion, was the dream an answer to the questions that she had posed that hot June day in the parking garage? Had her God answered her in his usual murky way?

"Maggie, can I ask you a question?" He was kicking himself for bringing up this discussion again, but sitting at the table in the cafeteria of the hospital had become their only down time.

"Ask away Fox" She said taking another long sip of her coffee. Trying not to get angry at the look in his eyes. She knew he was going to start again, and could not blame him for trying, he so obviously loved her daughter and only wanted her safe. Her protector even in the face of her own mother.

"He sighed, and went on "What if her condition worsens, I mean you know we have been really lucky so far.." yeah lucky he thought "But what if her condition antagonizes her situation." The doctors and specialists had all warned them of keeping the pregnancy going, that it was an extremely high risk pregnancy likely resulting in the death of one if not both of them.

"The doctors all say that she could come out of this if it weren't for her condition." Maggie noted with a tug at her heart that he had never referred to Dana's baby as anything more than a situation or a condition. She wondered if he was intentionally distancing himself from her blessing as a means of saving himself from the pain. "we have had this discussion Fox, and I am not heartless I know you miss her, but Bill Jr. Charlie and I all agree that this is what is best."

"And because I am not related to her I have no say? With all due respect here Maggie I know her better than her own brothers do, I have gone to the ends of the earth for her.."

She stopped his tirade with a gentle hand upon his. "Fox, " she smiled " I know how you feel about her, we all do even Bill," she looked away for a second and then sat back into her chair as if drained. " these are beliefs here Fox, and as much as my daughter has bent to your beliefs, why could you not give a little for her? This is the right thing, you may not see it now but in time you will understand."

He rose angrily allowing his chair to tumble as he stormed off for the room of the woman he loved, the woman he had wronged.

Two months later…

The new facility was nice, Scully would definitely approve he laughed to himself. Everything tha didn't move or have a medical use was covered in some sort of quilt. It was beautiful. Pinks and peaches lined the walls of the home, but did not brighten the mood of the facility. After all it was a nursing home

Mulder and her brothers had gone over to Scully's apartment, one month ago having packed it up and moved all her things to a storage unit near her mother's house. They had put off doing this for three and a half months, as if packing up her apartment was some final acceptance that Scully was going to be out for a while. Maggies had suggested that he take over her apartment, that her place was better suited for a baby. Mulder refused, he could not wake up there every day alone, looking for her in every nook and cranny. Waiting for her to walk into the aprtment and tell him to go home and get the hell outta her personal space. No, he was better off in the petri dish that was his place.

"Have you given any thought to what you are going to do Mulder.. I mean you know." Oh he knew, and didn't want to think about it. This was not exactly his idea of a happy ending and he refused to accept it.

"Not really" he admitted to the younger man. "I am sure once she wakes up we'll be abler to figure things out.." Mulder didn't buy it himself, but her brother didn't need to hear him self pity himself into a pit. They had lost their sister, and given the circumstances were being very kind to him. He mused that it had to be because of the –situation.

"Well, your life is gonna change so you know you have to give some thought to what you are gonna do about. you know …Maybe it is time to give up that video collection of yours." Charlie whispered to him so Bill could not hear" I hear it is pretty good, be glad to take it off your hands…" he smiled and not for the first time he could see Scully here, in the devilish smile of her younger brother.

Mulder tried to smile back, and informed Charlie that he was definitely second on the list of takers for the collection. Right behind Frohike

Mulder really hadn't thought much about what would happen after the…situation was delivered. Where would he go? What would he do as a single father if that is how it came out? He had not even noticed that he still referred to the situation in the singular. It had not dawned on him that there would be an end result here, that not only was he facing fatherhood, but single fatherhood at that. His mind refused to accept it, this is not how things were supposed to be, Scully was not supposed to be in a vegetative state allowing her body to become her own enemy. And the foreign invader, well that was another matter altogether. He had noticed that Scully was beginning to show, the nurses had been putting her on her side more often to alleviate some of the pressure the extra weight of the fetus caused her systems. Mulder watched as her ankles swelled, along with her abdomen. "Well, Scully" he mused to himself one night alone in his apartment." This is one way to avoid morning sickness."

He still came to se her every day, though the visits were shorter now. He had tried to get a lead on what was going on with her, but just trying to operate the Xfiles without her was two full time jobs. He slept less than ever, and ate less frequently. Maggie still doted over him like a third son, but he found himself ducking her more and more. He still held to the anger that she had allowed the pregnancy to progress, he felt that she was not thinking in either of their best interest.

And in the cool nights that were descending faster upon DC, he laid on his couch, tormented by thoughts of her, longing to smell her freshly washed hair and feel her skin under his hand as he gently guided her through life. He missed her, and the tears came as they did every night.

-

Ok I hope I have your attention now, this is getting good now and the story is gonna pick up I swear…trust me?

XSoniaX Thanx for the encouragement, hope you like the longer chapter!


	4. Accidents Will Happen

Accidents will happen

They're only hit and run

Used to be a victim

Now you're not the only one

Accidents will happen

But only hit and run

I don't wanna hear it

Cause I know what I've done

-Elvis Costello

The rain hadn't fallen for long, but the ground was already saturated , Mulder looked out of the window of the Gladstone Hollow Convalescent Center as the OB worked around Scully. They had wheeled in a portable ultrasound machine to get a good look at the creature inside.

Mulder had not wanted to be there, but Maggie had 'strongly suggested' that he be there for this, she insisted that it was his responsibility. "Besides Fox, Scully would want you there." That is what he liked about Maggie; she only brought out the big guns when she knew it would work. She herself had opted not to go, noting that the room would be crowded anyway

So he tried to ignore most of the proceedings going on around him. He sat in a chair at the far end of her room, near the window where he could monitor the weather properly.

"We are about to get started here Mr. Mulder." He was informed by a burly female OB. She looked at him with a sort of malicious sadness. The staff was aware of the child's parentage, but for some reason, they had all assumed that he was the one clinging to it. He was used to accepting blame for things, so he accepted this new culpa as filed under what else? In a way he felt he was getting off easily, if they knew how the child had come to be there, they would probably ban him from even entering her room. This was a small price to pay to be able to seat himself by her bed and hold endless one sided conversations with him. At least she can't argue with me right now. He thought to himself often, but in all actuality, it was the thing he missed the most.

The dark screen was suddenly brought to life showing the inner reproductive workings of Dana Scully. The doctor fiddled with the wand across Scully's abdomen, while pressing buttons. The picture of a small peanut appeared on the screen.

"At six months" the doctor spoke as she worked "the fetus is roughly the size of a cell phone and weighs about half a pound. Mulder watched as she showed him the head and the little string of pearls that formed the baby's spine.

"Would you like to the sex of the baby Mr. Mulder?" The question blew him away, up until now the child had no sex, or soul, it was just the tumor that was growing inside of his partner, slowly killing her.

"I uh..yeah why not?" he grinned, absently tracing a finger over the screen fingering the image of the baby, their baby."

"Congratulations sir, you are going to have a girl and she appears to be in good health." Dr. Paul smiled at the man's expression. He looked like someone had secretly replaced all his blood with white out. That was the usual reaction for fathers to be.

"I um, thank you I guess Dr." he stammered a lot these days, before all this he always had the right words for the right moment. Most of that though left the day Scully took her leave of consciousness.

He wasn't sure how he felt about having a daughter, he knew that he would have to get some answers as to how all this happened, at what point did his life go this far into the toilet? And other than his own horny lack of self control, whose fault is this? Who else had a hand in this new drama that was unfolding before him?

Can I ask a few questions?" he had stopped Dr. Paul just as she was pushing the ultrasound machine toward the door. "sure she answered."

"Ok, how is Sc-Dana I mean not the uh you know but her condition overall, is she handling the stress of this situation ok?" he had jammed his hands into his pockets, and Dr. Paul got the sense of a 12 year old asking to go out even though he is grounded.

"She's is doing better than expected Mr. Mulder, but I am not going to lie to you, she has hade poor weight gain for this pregnancy, her blood volume is dangerously low, and her blood pressure is so elevated we are concerned about the complication of pre eclampsia." She sighed and looked back at the woman on the bed behind her." She should not have been made to go through this." She shook her head as if trying to remember her Hippocratic Oath.

Mulder sat staring at her, anger and self loathing filling up to his throat and spilling over in foul tasting bile. The words he knew, but to hear them coming from Scully's own doctor. "What are her chances?" He choked hand running through his already mangled hair.

"Well, it's at this point fifty fifty, though as I mentioned there are a few complications that we are looking out for that could sway this the wrong way.

"What about long term, I mean say this doesn't end in her death, could she make a full recovery?"

"Mr. Mulder, if you are asking me if or when she will wake up, I don't have the answer to that question. If you are asking me if she can get through this then I give you the same answer before. Fifty Fifty she should not have been made to go through with this, not with the trauma she has already experienced." She turned and walked out of the room.

The rain continued on to beat down upon the open window of Room 1013. Mulder held Scully's hand, silently being close to her and mulling over in his mind what the doctor had told him. He was starting to formulate a plan to rid Scully of her problem for once and for all. If there was a way to slip a little something into her IV

"Swear to God Scully, you just raise an eyebrow and I'll do all the paperwork for a year—no two years" He waited patiently for her to tell him she would not let him do the paperwork, even if both her arms were broken. No way.

But she didn't there was no fight there; she hung on in a limbo not answering, eternally viewing the backs of her eyelids.

"I did this to you…" he begins; hold her hand in his absently rubbing it against his stubble cheeks. She had always told him he should become more familiar with the joys of Shick.

"I don't know why I didn't stop that night Scully, I didn't know it was you…but I felt it was you. That night I dreamt that we were together, that it was you and we—oh God, what have I done?" he placed his face onto her arm, feeling her skin underneath, he would sleep like that that night, the nurse's on call passing by brought in a blanket and covered him with it. The entire centre was devoted to this young woman, and they assumed he was the fiancée that never got to walk down the isle. Some of the nurses tittered remarking how much the tall dark man reminded them of the story of Heathcliffe, doomed to pine for his love all the days of his life. No one expected Dana Scully to wake up, and as in most areas of medicine the professionals deal with tragedy in their own way, though the family of this woman would be shocked to know that there was a pool as to which month of pregnancy she would thread out in.

Still, they felt for Mr. Mulder, his love for her was so obvious, this man who on February 23, in the middle of one of the worst blizzards showed up with a dozen pink roses for Dana's birhtday. The staff had gotten used to seeing him every day, and the receptionist at the wing that Dana was housed on had taken to having ready a cup of coffee everyday at the same time. No one expected him to show that day, all of the roads were closed and the news reporters were warning the metro DC areas, to stay home, preferably holed up sucking warmth from loved ones.

Guess this guy took them seriously.

They new his routine, and with the exception of that Brittany Spears incident (which most of the staff refereed too with not so much tongue in cheek as the man's attempt to literally wake the dead) he was a good guy, who obviously got one of the worse lumps a guy could get, not only did ya knock up your girlfriend, but now she is in a coma and your stuck with the kid alone.

Of course Mulder never referred to the baby, never even brought it up except to ask Maggie pleadingly to reconsider. Maggie was a saint, and even though she was not going to budge in her decision, she listened to him rant and rage, every harsh word, every immature fit of a man with his hands tied furtively behind his back. She knew he hated to feel helpless. He was the kind of man who was used to getting things done, rushing in and saving the day. He couldn't do that this time, at least not until Scully's condition was stabilized.

Maggie knew he would be a good father; she had more faith in him than he did himself. She had not pushed the issue because the pain of Dana's situation was too fresh, but the time was gonna come soon that she would have to push, and the look in his eyes spoke of the danger that lurked just below them. If she pushed too hard, would he snap? Hurt himself out of sheer panic or misguided self loathing? This was something that would have to be done very cautiously, almost covertly. She had to figure a way to gently ease the baby into his life. Bill and his wife had already spoken to her about taking Dana's baby if it came to it, but Maggie was adamant that this was not how things were going to be, this was Fox's baby as much as Dana's losing one parent was bad enough, for a baby to lose both was awful.

No Maggie Scully was a woman of intense judiciousness, and sage wisdom. She knew how she was going to handle this one, things had progressed about as far as she could allow them to, and there was a new life involved that did not ask to come into this world, now consequences had to be met.

-

-Right, so I am being attacked vy the Muse, she will not let me sleep at night and she is forcing me to type at gun point, oh well I guess you readers put in a word to get this one finished

I wanted to thank ALL of you for the wonderful reviews and the muse says as long as I keep typing, no one gets hurt LOL

You all rock, one more thing, I am in the process of moving off campus so I may not have internet for a couple of weeks, so I will try to get as much of this out as possible….sorry

I guess I should have mentioned that this is an AU kinda sorta I really don't know how to quantify this one, it got in my head and would not leave until I started typing Damn Muse, she is worse than the IRS


	5. Tangled up in Pink

Early one morning the sun came out

I was laying in bed

Wonderin if she'd changed at all

And if her hair was still red

-Bob Dylan

He was seated at his customary seat, next to Scully's bedside. Since her ninth month, they had placed her on her side for most of the day. Mulder found it a bit macabre, they way they had her positioned made it seem as though she was merely sleeping.

But she wasn't.

"This is getting old Scully." He bit out angrily at the comatose woman. The wastebasket at his feet was overflowing with sunflower seeds. Months ago, the staff had placed a note on the waste receptacle, just a gentle reminder…

Please Place Sunflower Shells Here.

Subtle, Mulder laughed about as subtle as bullets and Mom Scully.

She was becoming relentless in her demand. He knew there were decisions to be made, and that he had responsibilities to attend to., But there were responsibilities here in room 1013, and hundreds of questions with no answers.

Truth be told, he wised the baby would die. Not that he would say this out loud, especially not to Maggie. She was actually looking forward to this travesty. He had found her in the little chapel of the Center, lighting a little pink candle every night. He hated that fucking pink candle. If he had no love for Maggie's he would have sneaked in behind her each nite and smashed the damn thing into fragmented pieces. But that would be unstable, wouldn't it?

No one had expected her to make it to nine months. The staff of nurses and health care professionals liked to come up behind him in her room, smiling and saying how it won't be long now. How had everyone decided that he would be happy? They didn't know he was a rapist, the perpetrator of a horrible crime against the only person he had in the world that was not ready to have him committed. She lay there like Snow fucking White on her bed day in and day out not having any control of anything. It was hard at first to watch them as they cleaned her catheter and did her personal care every day. It sickened him that she had to have someone one come and do these things for her.He had a small fantasy of her awakening right in the middle of it one day, kicking the hell out of the nurses. It was one of the few things that kept him going.

That and the notion that once the situation was gone, she would magically awaken and all would be well…sort of. Truth be told, he wised the baby would die. Not that he would say this out loud, especially not to Maggie. It would solve most of the issues, either in utero or still born either way would work. He had never made it a secret how he felt about the baby, but Maggie, she had decided things for them that he could not abide to. Basically she expected him to take the baby home and pretend like this was a positive.

Maggie had lost her mind and done the ultimate one day, not a month ago. He had given Maggie the key to his apartment; she was good for picking up an extra pair of clothes, or feeding his fish on her way back and forth to the hospital. And anyway what the hell, Scully wasn't using it. He'd come home, innocuously enough, on a Saturday night late; visiting hours usually went until 9, but the bar kept different visiting hour—much later ones.

Being drunk, he initially assumed he had stumbled into the wrong apartment, and was vaguely reminded of an incident with the mysterious water bed. He knew something was up when he didn't trip over the pile of old running shoes and paranormal periodicals that were usually embedded in front of the hallway.

He did what any paranoid FBI agent would do in the face of possible intrusion. He drew his weapon. "I'm a federal agent." He screamed to no one. Poised with his Sig out in front of him he traipsed through the entire apartment. When he got to the bedroom, what had gone on struck him like a ton of asphalt. The whole place was clean—pristine; it had the Scully seal of approval written all over it.

"What The Fuck?" he looked around his once bachelorized apartment. There were floors here, things not seen before even in the light of day. He had heard rumors that the walls were white, but NEVER once imagined that the truth was out there.

And there was evidence of Pepto Bismal being splotched strategically around the apartment. On closer inspection he realized the Baby Faeries had infiltrated his lines of defense and nerfized his world. Bottles, blankets, towels, bunnies, booties, and God, even a pink crib, he couldn't take it. "it's a good thing I sleep on the couch" he thought as he closed the door to his room, reminding to get enough clothes out for a while. They could have at least surprised him like any one else, but he thought on hindsight he probably would have fired. That would have been bad—very bad. It was too much.

Her bed was empty. He knew he was late that day coming in. Skinner had dragged him into his office for the millionth time since Scully's sleeping Beauty act begin. And as if the kiss from true love jokes in the break room weren't juvenile enough, Skinner had more questions for him than he had himself.

The worst part about this was she had prophesized her name on an xfile for the fourth time. And she was. Skinner wanted more clarification, Mulder just wanted her awake. For an instant he believed that was what happened, that she had woke up kicked everyone's ass and run off for his place.

"Excuse me," He asked the receptionist at the desk" My partner was in that bed.. "S Truth be told, he wised the baby would die. Not that he would say this out loud, especially not to Maggie.

he wrinkled her nose, he was a funny one she thought he always referred to her as his partner as if they were a gay couple. "No one called you?" she asked with a little more annoyance than she meant to.

"Is everything all eight is she..."He had gone into full panic mode now.

"Mr. Mulder, calm down they took her over to Georgetown general to" He was off; the receptionist finished the sentence to the closed elevator doors.

Maggie was accustomed to seeing Fox in a rage, she had gotten used to it especially when it came to her daughter. The only thing that surprised her was that he never mentioned her and the boys midnight raid into his apartment. They didn't expect a thank you, not with everything that was going on, but she did expect to get some kind of rise out of him. Instead, a week later, while cleaning out her purse, she found a check made out to her a very generous one. Sighing she figured that was as close to acceptance as anyone was gonna get from Fox Mulder.

"Where the hell is she?" He blustered,. Bill was ready to fly up and hit him, but Charlie held his arm out shaking his head. He kind of felt for the guy. For a split second he was sure he was gonna open fire right there in the room.

"Fox you need to relax, Dana is fine"

"Is she awake?" he raged.

"No" she admitted with the patience of a saint. This man had the worst case of denial she could ever believe.

"Then she is not fine." He stormed back and forth over the pink carpet of the waiting room.

"I'll take you to see her." She sweetly added. As she walked down the hall, he followed close behind her fuming inwardly. How can you protect someone from their own family.

Maggie stopped in front af a large wood door, and motioned for him to enter. Scully lay there in her previous state, in hospital gowns and tubes and wires,and there was something else there too.

There, next to her bed was this tiny little bed that had a small pink little creature in it. The nurse smiled at him when he noticed the baby there. Wordlessly as if on cue from Maggie, she picked the bundle up and handed it to Mulder.

He didn't want to take it, but instinctively held his arms out to accept the little doll. Red fuzz covered her head, when she opened her big blue eyes and saw his face, she opened her pouty mouth and protested.

"Hey Little Scully" he smiled.


	6. Hey Mr tamborine Man

The birth certificate was laughing at him from the coffee table, and even though She was two days old he still had no clue what to name her. She was sitting in a pink bouncy thing on his coffee table, and even though the DNA had proven to be his and Scully's she seemed more alien to him than anything he had seen from the consortium.

But I know I love her.

She wasn't any help, just kind laid there with that Scully look on her face, the same one he got from get5ting caught on a porn site instead of filling out endless paper work. Right before she would nail him in the back of the head.

"I don't know if I am comfortable with you looking at me that way Little Scully, and if we don't get a name for you soon it is gonna get real confusing around here when your—" It wasn't the first time he had stopped dead in his tracks on the mention of her mother.

Scully

He got up and went to make a bottle a pink one for her next feeding. She had not been out of her carrier since the Lone Gunmen dropped them off two hours ago. Frohike was no help, you would think after inheriting half of a guys porn collection from a midnight raid there would be some gratitude. Nope. Every time he brought up Scully, they all pretending he was referring to Little Scully. Guess Maggie got to them too.

Plunking the bottle into her mouth he laughed " I hope you don't inherit my paranoia kiddo." He mused

She began to cry shortly after half the bottle was gone. Not the usual I'm pissed and a little attention would be nice cry he had gotten used to from her in the hospital No this was all out war.

He hit the Maggie 911 speed dial button to try and get help. After ten rings he realized no one was gonna pick up. He had a vague idea that Maggie was implementing a form of tough love on him. She had even enlisted the help of Skinner and the Lone Gunman. Fish or cut bait Fox, though not to his face, he knew they were forcing him into bonding with the baby. But hey if they wanted to make him the first male documented case of Post Partum depression so be it.

She was still crying by ten that night, he had tried everything burping rocking, though he was beginning to believe she knew he didn't like her.

Ok maybe that sounded a little harsh, itr wasn't that he didn't like her, what was there not to like. She looked like Scully, had that new baby smell, tiny cute, and made a great accessory. But his own guilt led him to fear himself with her more so than the other way around. How was he going to tell her what happened?

She was going full tilt now, "All right Little Scully, I am not sure what you want here. It was easier to shut your mom up just make a disgusting reference to some part of her anatomy. You on the other hand I have tried everything short of.." As she continued to wail, he ran off to his closet o retrieve something from his past. I hope this works still he mused.

Mulder popped the cassette into the stereo, lifted the wailing baby out of her car seat and softly rock danced her around the room. "This used to work on me back when I wanted to sleep. "he laughed at her. "If we are in any way related it should still…."

He began to sing to the music as it played:

Hey Mr. Tambourine Man

Play a song for me

I'm not sleepy and there is no place

I'm going to

Hey Mr. Tambourine Man

Play a song for me

In the jingle jangle morning

I'll come following you…

She began to settle with each small miff, Mulder could feel her body relaxing into his, she was trusting him with her life and he had no choice but to reciprocate.

Though I know that evening's empire

Has returned into sand

Vanished from my hand

Left me blindly here to stand but still not sleeping

My weariness amazes me

I'm branded on my feet

I have no one to meet

And the ancient empty streets to dead for dreaming…..

She was sleeping. It never failed all through the years between Samantha's abduction and college; this one song could lay him out. All he had to do was turn the imagery in his head once maybe twice and he was down for the count. It's a wonder he wasn't an addict.

This was nice though; he could feel her gentle breaths on his neck as she succumbed to the melody and endlessly twisting streams of imagery. Guess you are mine after all he thought as he felt himself yawning and taking up residence on the infamous couch.

"Hey you, he smiled at the silent lump on his shoulder. "I think we have a name for you."

Maggie's look on her face was priceless. She held the completed birth certificate in her hand like toilet paper, not sure if he was making fun with her. Dana always said he had a warped sense of humor.

"Fox," She eased into the conversation. "You do know you have a daughter, right? I mean you are not going to make her lack of a penis into an X-file, right?" she grinned at the man holding the infant to his shoulder. He had become so natural with her in just a week, it made her happy to know that she had a hand in his growing up.

"Hence the middle name in case there is any confusion later on. " he countered absently rubbing the baby's back as she sighed heavily in her sleep. " A name like that could get her drafted."

"But Fox, you don't even like your own name, how could you give a baby a name that could potentially be just as bad?" she wanted to laugh, it wasn't that bad, but it was nice to be able to talk to him like this. Besides, he is lucky Dana is out she would kill him for sure. And his safety was still not guaranteed she could wake up.

"I like it and I think she does too, don't you Dylan Rose?" She fussed in her sleep momentarily as if to say leave me alone I am still sleeping. "It was a special moment for us Maggie, she wouldn't stop crying last night and we kinda came up with it together. The Rose part is for her Mom, Dana reminds me of a rose, soft and beautiful, but she could put a real hurt on you if you weren't careful." He smiled

That was her daughter to a tee, nothing fragile about that one. "And the last name you have thought about that one too? " She asked pushing the paper close to his nose.

"Man I see where Scully got it from. Your not gonna push Daddy around are you Dylan? Promise?" They laughed he had put her as a Mulder, it was what everyone wanted.

"Just outta curiosity Fox, where did you get the idea for the name." She asked a little afraid.

"Well I told you Dylan would not go to sleep the other night, no matter what I tried. You were, unreachable, and I was desperate. After my sister was taken I had-have the worst nightmares that I did not want to go to sleep at night, then it became that I could not go to sleep at night. When I had reached my overload for insomnia, this song would loll me out. Funny how genetics works because it worked on her too last night."

You have to wake up soon Scully, your missing all the good stuff. And now I know you are gonna kick my ass because the birth certificate is signed and filed so now you have to wake up and kill me. He wanted her so bad, needed her. Dylan was nice, but Dylan needed a Mom, her Mom.

Scully could teach her so much, how to be a woman, how to clean ten different kinds of weapons, do autopsies, bring down bad guys. and still smell like peaches and sandalwood. Not to mention she was really good with killing those things that crawled from under the sink. Mulder hated bugs, Scully was bug killer extraordinaire. What could he teach her? How to get tangled up in government conspiracies, where to strap the extra gun holster, how not to trust people. Good porn from bad? How to break into secure government buildings…

After Maggie left, Mulder put the song in again, laid the baby on his chest and they napped like that as the sun sank into the sky and faded.

They went to see Scully after they moved her back to her room. She had started to improve some since the birth. When he brought the baby to the Centre, he had to resist the urge of flashing his gun to keep away the looky-loos. He had become a spectacle every time he went anywhere with her. SO much so that he had taken to wearing his weddings ring out in public. If he would have known that a baby was such a babe getter he would have had one in college.

Dylan held court as staff wandered in to see the baby that had lived there almost all of its justation.

"Hey Scully," He started brushing her hair back from her face." You gonna get up cause I think there is someone here that really needs to meet you.. She is really cute but I think I am a little biased. Anyway we brought this picture of us for you so you can see us when we are not here. Can you believe skinner gave me maternity leave? He filled the paperwork out himself, though I think we have some splainin to do back at the office. Maybe you can explain it to me cause I am completely lost." He looked at Dylan laying peacefully in her car seat oblivious to her mother's illness. "I feel like the luckiest and unluckiest man on the face of the earth and I don't see how that is possible." He placed the photo of the two of them on the stand by her bed. It was taken by Langley two weeks ago while they were out shopping. Mulder was holding Dylan and had her close to his face so Dana would be able to tell the family resemblance. So that if she woke up and he was not there she would know, or at least want to know.

I'm not sleepy and there is no place I'm going to.  
Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me,  
In the jingle jangle morning I'll come followin' you.

Though I know that evenin's empire has returned into sand,  
Vanished from my hand,  
Left me blindly here to stand but still not sleeping.  
My weariness amazes me, I'm branded on my feet,  
I have no one to meet  
And the ancient empty street's too dead for dreaming.

Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me,  
I'm not sleepy and there is no place I'm going to.  
Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me,  
In the jingle jangle morning I'll come followin' you.

Take me on a trip upon your magic swirlin' ship,  
My senses have been stripped, my hands can't feel to grip,  
My toes too numb to step, wait only for my boot heels  
To be wanderin'.  
I'm ready to go anywhere, I'm ready for to fade  
Into my own parade, cast your dancing spell my way,  
I promise to go under it.

Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me,  
I'm not sleepy and there is no place I'm going to.  
Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me,  
In the jingle jangle morning I'll come followin' you.

Though you might hear laughin', spinnin', swingin' madly across the sun,  
It's not aimed at anyone, it's just escapin' on the run  
And but for the sky there are no fences facin'.  
And if you hear vague traces of skippin' reels of rhyme  
To your tambourine in time, it's just a ragged clown behind,  
I wouldn't pay it any mind, it's just a shadow you're  
Seein' that he's chasing.

Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me,  
I'm not sleepy and there is no place I'm going to.  
Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me,  
In the jingle jangle morning I'll come followin' you.

Then take me disappearin' through the smoke rings of my mind,  
Down the foggy ruins of time, far past the frozen leaves,  
The haunted, frightened trees, out to the windy beach,  
Far from the twisted reach of crazy sorrow.  
Yes, to dance beneath the diamond sky with one hand waving free,  
Silhouetted by the sea, circled by the circus sands,  
With all memory and fate driven deep beneath the waves,  
Let me forget about today until tomorrow.

Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me,  
I'm not sleepy and there is no place I'm going to.  
Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me,  
In the jingle jangle morning I'll come followin' you

-

I hope this keeps everyone happy for a whil i posted two chapter's i dont know when the next ones are coming but there is sooooooooo much more to this sordid tale

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE review and let me know, i will even entertain flames and suggestions please aint too proud to beg LOL


	7. Shelter From the Storm

'Twas in another lifetime, one of toil and blood  
When blackness was a virtue and the road was full of mud  
I came in from the wilderness, a creature void of form.  
"Come in," she said,  
"I'll give you shelter from the storm."

- Bob Dylan

The alarm clock was a ringing again, but Dana Scully reached over and hit the snooze button one more time, it wasn't time to get up yet, she needed just a few more hours of sleep before going to face the world. God she felt so drained, as if she hadn't had any sleep in weeks. Just as few more minutes and she will be able to face the world again. She gently stretched her toes and hands in her bed and rolled over.

Sleep is such a good thing.

Fatherhood was vastly under rated. Watching Dylan grow and change every day was enough for him to keep motivated in keeping his gun from in front of his face. She could only cry and eat and shit, but she had so many different moods in between. The first time she rolled over on her own he thought he was gonna die from excessive cranial swelling.

At two months she ran the show. Mulder spent most of his maternity leave cleaning up after her. He was amazed at how much actual effort was involved in the upkeep of something so small. "You know Dylan, while I find myself enthralled with every little demand you make, some people might find you, dare I say High Maintenance?" He was in the process of picking up stray toys that had found their way scattered around the living room. She couldn't even walk yet, how did all of her crap manage to take over every aspect of the house

There was definitely an X-File in this somewhere.

The ringing of his cell phone brought him out of his silent musings. Its funny how life can change in one instant, he actually had to go looking for his cell phone. There was a time when it was Velcroed to his hand, now the only time he knew where it was even in his sleep. He found himself lifted up cushions and following the ringing to locate it.

"Damn" they had hung up, "Are you laughing at me?" Dylan had a smirk on her face and he could have sworn he saw—no way did her eyebrow just go up?

He had pictures of Scully everywhere; he didn't want their daughter to forget, or himself. It was hard he couldn't take Dylan to the Center with him too often. After all it was still a place full of germs. Maggie was a help now that she saw he was not going to walk out on his responsibilities. She took Dylan three times a week so that he could go and talk to Scully. Once a week, Dylan came too.

They were getting ready to go elsewhere this day. He had held off on seeing his mother for as long as he could, but she had begun to threaten to show up at his house for an extended visit. He figured if she had to find out about having a grand daughter, he better make sure there was a means of escape for the two of them.

"Hey Dylan, now remember when we get to Grandma Mulder's, remember don't eat any apples she may give you." Ok so he wasn't the perfect parent, but he was protecting his young. He had enough packed foir them for two days, thinking hopeful that at the worst they would crash in a motel overnight. It wasn't a long trip out to Chilmark, but with an infant it could be a marathon.

Mulder felt like a pack mule, weighed down with three bags for just Dylan "Oh yeah, "he mused "High maintenance Dylan." By the time they made it to Chilmark, Mulder had had to pull over three times, two of which were for diaper detail. "Oh this had got to be the most underpaid job in the world." He laughed snuggling into Dylan. "Someone needs to form a union." He inhaled her scent as they stood out front of the rest stop. He knew he would do anything for her, and if it meant changing diapers for the next 100 years, he would willingly be elbowed in shit.

Now there's a wall between us, somethin' there's been lost  
I took too much for granted, got my signals crossed.  
Just to think that it all began on a long-forgotten morn.  
"Come in," she said,  
"I'll give you shelter from the storm."

-Bob Dylan

Not much had changed at his mother's home. She came out to the porch when she saw the car pull into the drive. Mulder briefly considered throwing the car into reverse and driving back towards DC.

"Fox, I am so sorry about your partner, I should not have insisted a visit it has just been so long since I have…WHAT IS THAT?" she pointed at the baby Mulder clutched next to his heart.

"Mom, I would like you to meet, oh hell there is no easy or cute way to do this. Mom I did something awful and look what I got?" He showed her the baby lifting her up to display mode.

"Fox come in the house and bring.."  
"Dylan" he murmured

If she reacted from the name it didn't show on her face. "Bring Dylan and her things in."

The inside of thee house was always unusually dark, another notation for genetics. They walked into the back family room where Mulder placed a blanket on the floor and laid Dylan upon it.

"So, "Teena began" I am going to put on some tea, and see about a bottle for this one. You gather yourself casude when I come back in I expect the full story." He faintly heard her bustling around in the kitchen. He had hoped she have to go to China to get the tea, he was not sure about relating something so possibly detrimental especially not to his mother.

When she huffed herself unto the couch, he let loose it was so easy. All the guilt and the shame that he had been holding onto for almost a year were all gone. He sat spilling his guts to his Mommie, clutching the tiny baby in his arms. :She would not be here." He cried. "She would not be here if I were not such a monster."

She listened in the still quiet of a mother's heart she listened to his story, nodding when he asked her a question. Crying inside for his sense of loss at the loss of his Scully "Fox," you have always blamed yourself for things that you had no control over." She uncharacteristically placed her hand on his knee. "Fox you have blamed yourself for every bad thing that has happened in your life. No one expected you to take the blame for what happened to Samantha. You are a parent now Fox," she smiled gently rubbing a finger along Dylan's cheek.

"Parenthood is all about choices." She sighed, rising to pace in front of the windows. "We thought we were changing the world, we never realized we had the capacity to do that without anyone one's help. She picked up the picture of Mulder and Samantha from the shelf "We can change the world in so many different ways Fox. You hold the world there in your arms. Regardless of how she got there You are all she has. You will make choices for her, and even the small ones that seem insurmountable will last her a lifetime."

Mulder was floored; it was as if Dylan was some magical Shakespearian nymph that had sprinkled truth dust in her eyes. He didn't know what to say at first, just sitting on the couch holding his daughter seemed response enough.

"We weren't always the monsters we grew to be, and you are proof of that Fox. No matter how she got to you, she is yours. You have to protect her."

"Mom," he began noticing that he had finally found words in his mouth again. Erring on the side of caution he figured to use them before they dried up and withered away." If you had the choice again, would you make it?" He was afraid to ask the question and yet he asked anyway.

A heavy sigh rolled from deep within Teena Mulder. It was one of a woman finally laying down a burden that was too much. "I would have taken different road Fox, I would have tried to save you both, as I tried to and in the end, I think the some thing would have happened. " It was almost existential.

In the end, he stayed there that night. She made him his favorite thing for dinner from when he was a kid, something from the good memories. They sat in the living room talking about Samantha, swapping endless stories of long brown braids and indoor water fights. Finding within each other some comfort and hope that they should have found years ago, they took turns holding Dylan, feeding her and snuggling into her complacently warm body.

Then again his phone rang, and everything went black.

Don't ya just hate cliff hangers?

You all have been soo dang nice with the reviews, KEEP EM COMING The muse feeds off of them!

This story is not half done, it is for now an ongoing saga. I know I was vague about the whole conception thing, but true to the show, more questions than answers. and I know you all wanna know what happens to Scully. This story ahs kinda taken on a life of its own with me, I ahd started out wanted to sort of reverse roles on Mulder, what if Dana left him. I knew the only way THAT would happen was death or other, but I couldn't kill her off like that, she is the coolest female character written in YEARS.

So, you now know the inner workings of my mind, and uh oh the muse is here again I think she wants me to write again.

Anyone wanna discuss the beautiful lyrix of the master songwriter Bob Dylan, feel free to wirte me a review. There are those of you that do not like my choice of names, but that is ok, I think it fits here.

It will be a while before the next posting as I am moving tomorrow ansd I do not know when I will have internet. I am gonna have the DT's for my fan fic oh well….


	8. Death Is Not The End

When you're sad and when you're lonely  
And you haven't got a friend  
Just remember that death is not the end  
And all that you held sacred  
Falls down and dows not bend  
Just remember that death is not the end.

Not the end, not the end  
Just remember that death is not the end.

When you're standing on the cross-roads  
That you cannot comprehend  
Just remember that death is not the end  
And all your dreams have vanished  
And you don't know what's up the bend  
Just remember that death is not the end

-Bob Dylan-

Moulder punched the talk button on his cell phone. Years later hw would wish that he had just changed his number, left his phone at home, or simply let the damn thing ring.

"Mulder," he answered thickly.

"Did you think you could get this one so easily?" a familiar voice asked from a great distance.

"What the hell do you want?" He had crossed the room and entered the kitchen so as not to disturb Dylan. The Queen needed her rest.

"Mr. Mulder, you are wuite the doting father I must say, but aren't you missing something? Did you not forget something?" Mulder absently reached for his gun as the CSM spit his foul poison through the air waves. What really bothered him was that he had brought his gaughter into it. That hit below the belt. "Youleave her alone you sick son of a—"

"I really am getting tired of THAT epitaph Mr. Mulder, but I am going to be kind to you. Kinder than you deserve perhaps."

Mulder's stomach began to turn in the space between the silence of that conversation. "What the fuck do you want from me?" He screamed into the phone.

"Temper temper Mr. Mulder, but you have to give me some credit after all I am your Santa Clause hmm?" he sneered. "If it weren't for me you wouldn't be there at….Teena's with that adorable little bundle. Don't yopu remember Fox?"?

Mulder could hear the innuendo dripping off every word the man leered. "You sick bastard, you're the reason Scully is in the"

"We had no idea the chip would react in such a way. There is a way to save her, but my help comes at a price to you sir." Mulder didn't like where this is headed not one little bit.

"How much of my soul is this gonna cost me?" He asked fighting back tears

"Well, Mr. Mulder, it is not really your soul that would be on the table so to speak."

Oh God no, no please no…

"Dylan that is her name is it not? Dylan was meant as a distraction we figured the one way to get you off the x-files was to push you into fatherhood. Frankly Mr. Mulder that had been the plan all along, but we were starting to get impatient with you two, starting to doubt if you liked the fairer sex, or just didn't want them in your secret clubhouse. And so we took matters into our own hands. What better way to distract you than with a pretty young wife and a child on the way. You would have happily gone about your business. Someone higher up wanted to up the ante, they messed with Scully's chip and she is now how do you say assuming Sleeping Beauty's role in this drama." Mulder could here the asshole lighting another cigarette before going on. "In the end Mr. Mulder, the choice will be made, either by you or by those far above you. We will be in touch."

Mulder almost brought the house down running for Dylan.

He wisely didn't tell his mother of the conversation, he had simply stayed for breakfast, and ppacked up his daughter's things.

"Fox," she had followed him to the car with a box in her hands. "I have some things for you and for Dylan. I don't want you to get sad from them, just think of them as family heirlooms, things Dylan are entitled to have." She placed the box in the front seat, and leaned over into the back to hug and kiss her granddaughter. "You take care of your Daddy right?" she smiled at the infant. "Make sure he staysd out of trouble. Men are good for that kind of thing."

"Thanks Mom, for everything." He was feeling almost antsy, looking behind his shoulder.

Her hug surprised him, he almost jumped out of his skin when she did it. He succumbed to it after a moment, and even hugged back. "You'll be fine Fox." She smiled "good bye Little Scully." She waved at the back seat as they drove off.

He entered his apartment with his gun drawn, the baby carrier dangling precariously from his left arm. This is real good here Mulder, father of the year material. Hey Daddy can we be in another gun fight again can we daddy huh?

Look on the bright side, she'd never date.

He placed Dylan in her portable crib, which he rolled in front of the couch. There was no way she was getting out of his sight. Real good Mulder but how long can you protect her? Are3 you gonna send FBI agents to pre school with her. And what the hell was all that about anyway? Was he just given a choice and made to balance his two loves lives in one hand. Oh fuck.

Dylan wailed for her two am feeding. He had long ago become an expert in sleepwalking. He never really woke up for them, just ambled toward the refrigerator in a half sleep trance, finding his way by memory rather than sight. She liked to be held when she ate, even at night, even when he was so dog tired than all images came in hazy flashes. She relied on him, and he was starting to realize that he relied on her. The phone call weighed heavily on his mind. How could they have done this to them? To create a child only to threaten to take her away. There were choices he knew he had to make. And none of them were going to be good but he knew he had to protect the ones he loved.

"You are doing what?" AD Skinner had seen a lot in his tenure as AD for the FBI, but the day Special Agent Fox Mulder strolled in toting a car seat was a day he thought would never come.

"Sir, with all due respect this is my choice and it is just time for a change. I have new responsibilities in my life now. I can't just go running off and putting myself in danger just to dodge bullets. I am respoinsible for the sole care of another human being."

Skinner sighed and rose from his desk. "I can see your point Agent-er Mr. Mulder. I will push this through as quickly as possible, but I gotta tell you" his voice cracked as he spoke thes words. "This place is not going to be the same without you."

Mulder jaunted down to the basement. He wanted to pack up the office and say a sort of a good-bye. "Hey Dylan, wanna see where Daddy met Mommy?" he asked the blanketed form as he pushed open the heavy door. The minute he flicked the light on, we wished he had not have had to come down there. Everything was the same as the last day he had been down there. Dylan's birthday. He had even left a cup of coffee sitting on the desk that had taken on a murky green layer.

"Ewww, Dylan, Daddy really hates having to bring you in here. I need to do this though I promise it won't take long." He disposed of the science experiment that even Scully would not have gone near, placed the baby's car seat on his desk and began to work.

Mulder boxed up his memories, his angry passions and bad dreams. Most were gone anyway. Hew knew what sent Scully to her coma, knew little could be done to stop it.

Was this the complacency that CSM had longed for from him? Or was he protecting his daughter? He had cleared off his desk, save a picture of he and Scully. It was taken a year before she got sick. They were at a crime scene and one of the local lawe enforcement had told a joke that would not have been funny if they weren't standing over the body. He picked it up smiling. "See that Dylan, your Mom could find humor in the most macabre of places. She was a rose with more thorns than any, but her beauty was worth it." He imagined she would grow to look like her, maybe if she was lucky Dylan would inherit her staunch skepticism. He traced his finger along the photo, trying to place himself back into that exact moment where they shared this morbid laughter. The living often makes a joke of Death. He mused. We believe that it cant happen to us. Scully didn't thi9nk she would be laying there in mock death. So much light

He missed her

He missed her a lot

The tears fell before he realized he was even crying. Anger rushed up through his veins and he began tearing the office apart one punch at a time. "God Damn you you freaking psycho. This is all she wanted and she can't have it. You sick fuck "

Dylan wailed from being awakened so fiercely. In her cries he found his solace, his redemption. I am here for her. He told himself over and over. I am here for her I am hers and she is mine and we are all we have.

"You like the cart ride Dylan? Well don't get used to it Little Scully, this is your one and only trip here. I won't subject you to this life the way I subjected your mother." He pushed the cart with his memories and his daughter through the bull pen of the Hoover Building

"Hey Mulder, how's Spooky Jr." It was a group of fellow agents, mostly women gathered around oohing over the tiny baby riding atop the metal cart in her car seat.

"Actually her name is Dylan.'

More oooohs and aahhhs as she gurgled at the sound of her name being spoken. "She looks so cute. Oh my Spooky she is a red head she looks just like…"

Don't say it he silently pleaded.

"Agent Scully, sorry Mulder how is she?" One of them asked

"About the same, I gotta go." He deftly maneuvered the cart out to the parking garage, careful of the carseat. As he loaded the last of the things from the office into the front seat, he hesitated, not wanting to cry, but not wanting not to. He was leaving a part of his life here. He knew he had made a choice, a decision, one of those all important ones his mother had warned him about. Mulder knew risking his life to charge at windmills was futile now; the only things he wanted were two tiny red heads that meant the world to him. Something was bothering him, something was not right, he could feel it as sure as his daughter squirmed in her seat. He felt her sensed her knew that she was near.

He blew right past his exit and drove straight to the Center that had become Scully's home.

Room 1013 sat empty, the bed was freshly made, and sunlight drew crazy rays across the flat empty sheets. He nearly dropped the car seat upon seeing the site before him.

He was screaming before he even comprehended that the room was empty.

When you're sad and when you're lonely  
And you haven't got a friend  
Just remember that death is not the end  
And all that you held sacred  
Falls down and dows not bend  
Just remember that death is not the end.

Not the end, not the end  
Just remember that death is not the end.

When you're standing on the cross-roads  
That you cannot comprehend  
Just remember that death is not the end  
And all your dreams have vanished  
And you don't know what's up the bend  
Just remember that death is not the end.

Not the end, not the end  
Just remember that death is not the end.

When the storm clouds gather round you  
And heavy rains descend  
Just remember that death is not the end  
And there's nowhere there to comfort you  
With helping hand to lend  
Just remember that death is not the end.

Not the end, not the end  
Just remember that death is not the end.

Oh the tree of life is growing  
Where the spirit never dies  
And the bright light of salvation  
Shines in dark and empty skies  
When the cities are on fire  
When the burning flesh of men  
Just remember that death is not the end  
And you search in vain to find  
Just one law abiding citizen  
Just remember that death is not the end.

Not the end, not the end  
Just remember that death is not the end.

Ok so I got one more in before I moved, my roommate is gonna kill me cuz I should be finishing packing but I had to get this out. I am as addicted to the story as you guys, and even though I know how it is gonna turn out, I can't wait to see how it ends

Thanx for all the reviews, you guys keep me at this. I am thinking of a new story but wont start til I finish this one. Just discovered fan fics about two months ago and now I am addicted LOl

Keep the reviews coming and the Muse will keep feeding me, I am surprised at how easy this has come out, I thought it would be much harder but it only taked me about an hour to do a chapter. LOL

Oh I have a question, what is everyone's favorite line from the show? I have two I will share if you will, one is obvious, but the other isd kinda obscure…..LET ME KNOW


	9. Don't Think Twice, Its Alright

Well, it ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe  
If you don't know by now  
An' it ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe  
It'll never do, somehow  
When your rooster crows at the break of dawn   
Look out your window and I'll be gone  
You're the reason I'm trav'lin' on  
But don't think twice, it's all right  
-Bob Dylan

Mulder got his bearings once the pieces began to fit together, and that wasn't until three days later. When they told him that she was gone, he originally assumed that she was dead.

No, then he figured she was abducted–again. No,

Apparently she had awaken, called her Mom, and left.

Mulder slid into the chair in the small office of the nurse administrator. She was the one given the task of breaking Mulder's heart.

"I am sorry Mr. Mulder." She said simply hands out in front of her "but your–Ms. Scully was very adamant with both her family and us she wanted no one to call you and no contact with you.

"Does she know about Dylan?" He asked hopeful that she had just taken a breather to get used to the idea of being someone's mother after having been comatose for over a year.

Ginny blew from her mouth heavily This was not part of her job description, she silently cursed herself as she pulled in closer to the broken man in front of her. He was so devotede to the both of them, his daughter and his partner if that is what they were calling it these days. When the frail woman awoke three days ago, no one could believe it. They actually had called him, but he never answered his cell phone.

"Ms. Scully achieved lucidity almost form the moment she awoke Mr. Mulder. As a matter of fact she nearly gave two of our Nurses renal failure.

That's my girl he mused not being able to refrain from allowing the shit eating grin to overtake his face.

"But once she calmed down she started asking for you. When you didn't answer your cell phone.

Damn it I knew that was important, it was the same day he went to Chilmark. Three days ago.

"We called her mother. Mrs. Scully came right away. Made it here in record tme. Then she signed her out, accepted out referals for rehabilitation. And they left."

"You mean to tell me she woke up and just signed herself out?"

"No sir, she woke up and her guardian signed her out." Ginny replied, trying to maintain a professional distance on this one.

"But, she had to have some atrophy of her muscles, she would have needed assistance..." he absently bounced Dylan on one knee as she gnawed a hole into his shirt. Teething was a bitch.

"Mr. Mulder, your–Ms. Scully, not only being a medical doctor herself, was fully aware if her limitations. She was given a full work over, and sent off with the proper medical advice. There was not more that we could do."

"Where did she go?"He asked, though when it came out he sounded more like Oliver Twist asking for a second helping.

"I cannot tell you that sir, per the request of the family."

Mulder loaded his daughter into the backseat, and dialed the number 2 on his speed dial.

"Hello," as he opened his mouth to speak, the voice went on "I am sorry I missed your call, please leave a message.." damn he cursed.

"Maggie, Maggie its me Mulder please I have to know what is going on I have a right to know what is going on. I–I need to see her Maggie, please, I need to see her, and she needs to see Dylan." The machine cut him off before he could continue.

He stood at the side of the car kicking any part of the car that would not scare Dylan. "Oh its ok Honey," he smirked at the quizzical look she gave him. "Daddy is just having a nervous breakdown. I'll get back to being Mr. Potato Head for you in about oh lets see how long are the in patient evaluations?"

Right at that moment, she decided to grace him with one of her dazzling toothless grins. It was enough to make Hitler celebrate Hanukkah.

He crawled into the back seat to sit next to her, holding her tiny hand and clutching her car seat. He wasn't sure if her mother didnt want her. He could live with her walking away from him, after what he had doen he knew this was the price he would pay. But to walk away from Dylan, it angered and scared him. He did not want her to go through life without a mother. He knew how that was, and even with the recent reconciliation they had made, forty years is still a long time to go motherless.

She had abandoned both of them,

Dana Scully lay in the back of her brother's front lawn. It felt soo good to have the California sun gleam unto her body. Her Body, it hadn't felt like hers in what, days years? What had happened to her?

Then, like always over the last three days, she remembered.

Betrayal, mistrust. Ever got raped? Well that was bad enough. A rape you can get through. Eventually You would never be ok with it. But you live. She had a friend once that had been raped the classic case, Out late walking home from the library. Dana had gone to pick her up from the hospital the next day. Sharon was a shell of what she once was. She screamed in the night for no reason, couldn't stand to be alone for more than ten minutes. Dating was defiantly out of the question. If a man looked at her sideways for longer than ten seconds she was dialing 911 and reaching for her pepper spray. She drove all of her roommates insane and eventually dropped out of school and went home to Colorado.

Last time she heard from her she was happily married with three kids and working as a CPA. See eventually life evens out, you get a second chance to figure things out, to take the proverbial hot bath for your soul and clean off all the slime that had built up.

Dana had needed cleansing for over a year now, only her foulness was allowed to ferment, swelling up in her like a loaf of bread until she

Popped.

Rape was one thing, rape was an act, nothing personal ma'am, sorry to bother you but I have these deep seated issues with my mother and my own libido. I just need to borrow your nether regions for oh about maybe ten to fifteen minutes.

Nothing Personal.

This was different, this reached into her psyche and ripped the soul right out from under her. Hee had crawled into her head, and she had allowed it to happen, slow over five years he had begun to knock don all of those carefully placed walls she had carefully laid around her. He had come to her window, crawled inside. And she had intentionally left the damn thing open. She felt him ripping away her soul a little at a time but she could not move.

At first, she believed it was a stranger, someone that had merely taken an opportunistic breech in her usually careful secure apartment. She had felt that way until she realized the one sense that did not betray you in the dark.

It was his smell, even if she were dead and buried that smell would cross to the afterlife and haunt her.

And she was powerless for over a year to do anything about it. She was raped one night and it went on for nine months. And no one cared what SHE wanted.

Ok so don't kill me plz, this is a post I had to make to hmmm set things up please stay with me on this I swear it will all make perfect sense someday.

I will appreciate all flames here good and bad, I love my readers, yall have a lot to say so spill it, anything you don't like let me know.

Oh my favorite line number one–If there's ice tea in that bag, it could be love

Favorite line #2 I have to tell Skinner his suspect is a blood sucking worm."


	10. It ain't Me Babe

Go lightly from the ledge, babe,  
Go lightly on the ground.  
I'm not the one you want, babe,  
I will only let you down.  
You say you're lookin' for someone  
Who will promise never to part,   
Someone to close his eyes for you,  
Someone to close his heart,  
Someone who will die for you an' more,  
But it ain't me, babe,  
No, no, no, it ain't me, babe,  
It ain't me you're lookin' for, babe.  
-Bob Dylan-

He was frantic, not to the point of crashing the car into a wall, or driving off of a bridge. He would never hurt Dylan. That meant physically or emotionally. Leaving her to fend for herself was cruel at any age of development.

She had no one, literally but him. A flash of anger at this surprised him. How did he get left holding the bag on this one, when five months ago he had considered sliping Scully a quinine cocktail that would have rectified the entire situation.

His guilt after this thought was horrendous. He pulled the car over in thee first parking lot he could find. He reached for her in back, gently taking her out of her seat. He held her then, crying in thick husky wails.

"Mom, I don't want to talk about it." It had been the twelfth time that day that Dana had uttered those words to her mother. She had begun to keep count as a means of keeping her sanity.

"Eventually dear we are going to have to discuss it, and you know there are reprocussions that have to be addressed." Maggies had tried everything to get through to her daughter. The phone call she got that Saturday afternoon was the answer to her prayers. She was never one to speed, but she had broke all kinds of laws getting to the Centre that day.

What she couldn't understand was why Fox was not there. When she walked into the room, she smiled warmly expecting to see a warm little family reunion, with Fox hovering over her and Dana holding Dylan waiting for the stregnth to smack him over the head once he told her the baby's name. When she arrived, her daughter was sitting up, she had the Scully look of death on her face, and something about her eyes seemed all wrong. Tenatively, with a little fear she had approached her daughter's bedside, not sure what to expect.

"Mom," she breathed, her voice sounded course and cracked, but it was the most beautiful thing that Maggie had ever heard in her life.

"Dana, Honey, I am so glad to hear your voice, to see you awake." She didn't know what to say, so much has gone on in the last year. Where to start?

"Mom, where is Muldr?" she asked, with a little knot of fear in her voice.

"He has been here Dana, Just about every day til recently. Then things got-busy for him. She smiled at her, smoothed her hair down away from her face. Dana was too thin and she intended on taking good care of her daughter. Get her back on her feet again.

Maggie noticed a photo on the side of the bed. Mulder had left it there almost two months ago. He had wanted her to see it in case she woke up without his being there. She did not know if it was such a good idea for her to see it right now. Without drawing attention to it, Maggie surreptitiously crossed to the opposite side of the bad, trying to not let Dana see it.

Too late, Maggie also forgot that her daughter had spent five years with the FBI, it was her job to notice everything. "Mom, I want to see it Mom. What is it you feel you have to hide from me?"

Sighing, not waiting to upset her already fragile daughter, Maggie handed over the picture.

Dana held it in her hands, trying to study the two faces, trying to figure out. Understanding suddenly dawned on her, she flung the photo across the room, relishing in the loud crash as it made contact with the wall.

"I want outta here, now Mom."

Dana had closed off to her then, ever since that she refused to speak about Mulder or the picture. She was only adamant about two things. Getting the hell out of the Centre, and not calling Mulder. She had threatened her mother with various forms of mental anguish if she even tried to contact him behind her back.

Maggie wasn't sure of what she interpreted from that photo. She saw the look of horror and disgust and then the hand toss.

.The doctors had to examine her Maggie realized there was a time constraint. Three days, Fox had called her last week to let her know that he would be visiting Chilmark with Dylan for three days. She knew he had been here yesterday. If he showed up now and she treated him the way she treated that picture. Well, there was no telling what would have happened.

After giving her a relatively clean bill of health, the doctors wanted to transfer her to Georgetown General for a week or two of observation and rehab. Dana flatly refused going anywhere near Georgetown, or even any hospital for that matter.

The first Day, Dana had tried to stand out of bed. Legs wobbly, knees knocking to gether as if she were shivering in the cold. If it weren't such a stark contrast to her old self, Maggie would have found it funny. Dana looked like a baby deer trying to get up and walk for the first time. She held on to the side of the bed, taking careful and steadily more sure steps til she reached the foot where the doctors examining her case had assembled.

I want out, sign me AMA just get me the fuck outta here."

They complied.

She watched emotions crawl across her daughters face. Confusion, anger hurt, then nothing. Dana had shut down and no one was getting in. There was one that could get in, and maybe that was the reason she had beat a path away from him. From Them.

It was Maggie's idea to come to California. Going to her house was out of the question. There was so much there that spoke of Dylan. Thr toys, small furniture pictures by the hundreds. There was no way Dana was going to be able to deal with any of that at this point. She called in a favor from her neighbors, had them secure the house and pack a couple of bags for the road She had dipped into her savings and purchased two last minute one way tickets to Bill and Tara's.

She didn't dare call Fox, not only because she could not let Dana out of her sight long enough to call, but she was sure he would talk her into a meeting, or at the least letting him talk to Dana on the phone.

After seeing her daughter, Maggie wasn't sure that was such a good idea yet. There was something here that she herself was missing, something in that picture that Dana was not talking about. Or maybe something about that night that Fox had eluded to. The night Dana went to sleep. She would call him, once things were calmed and Dana got settled into a routine she would call him, demand some answers.

The guilt hit her the second day that Fana had been awake. Making an excuse of having to make arrangements, she quickly penned a letter on the Centre stationary, no more than three pages just to try to explain things to the father of her only grand daughter. It wasn't right to leave him without knowing what was going on.

After obtaining a sworn promise from the receptionist she handed her the letter to be placed in the outgoing mail. If she had left it for him here, he would have torn the place apart brick by brick.

Mulder had no other options. With Dylan in tow he made the hour trip to the house of Maggie Scully. He knew no one was there when he pulled into the drive. The house had a haunted look, its windows were dark and foreboding. Leaving the car running, he ran up to the front door and rang the bell. He walked around the house trying to find any clues any sign of where she and Dana had gone. He knew they would not have come here. If they were trying to avoid him it would have been the first place they looked.

He slid into the front seat of his car, having fewer answers than when he first slid out. "I picked a hell of a day to leave the FBI.' He mocked to himself. Sighing deeply, he dialed the only numbers of that could help him.

"Langley, turn that damn tape off."

I have to say that you guys are such an inspiration for me.

—Rosie, you have a wonderful soul and thank you for the kind words

—Samandabear Your website made me laugh til I cried it was so dead on LOL I love those quotes! And sweety, I really wish I could tell ya the end, but then I would have to kill you LOL Plz don't send the little grey guys, I'll be good

lil gillian–cliff hangers are the scurge of fanfiction, but they do keep em around LOL

Well u are wondering why I am updating. My sister surprised me and brought me home for the weekend where the internet runs wild and free. Expect pretty frequent updates for a couple of days.

Thanx to you all and I hope you all enjoy–the rest of the story. Thanx for sticking around


	11. Not Dark Yet

Well my sense of humanity has gone down the drain  
Behind every beautiful thing there's been some kind of pain  
She wrote me a letter and she wrote it so kind  
She put down in writing what was in her mind  
I just don't see why I should even care  
It's not dark yet, but it's getting there

Well, I've been to London and I've been to 'gay Paris'  
I've followed the river and I got to the sea  
I've been down on the bottom of a world full of lies  
I ain't looking for nothing in anyone's eyes  
Sometimes my burden seems more than I can bear  
It's not dark yet, but it's getting there

-Bob Dylan

The guys didn't know what to say. Faced with the knowledge that Mulder's 'squeeze' had just awoken from a year long coma, only to run away from him and their infant daughter.

It didn't sound like the Scully they knew and worshiped.

Sure, they expected her to kick his ass. Byers had long called dibs on the camera to capture the moment for posterity. No one expected her to leave, to run off. No one.

Mulder wasn't the se, he had showed up at their office pleading for help, needing to find out where she had gone. They gave him the info, but it had come across by low tech means.

"Mulder, " Frohike began in a low voice. "If she is really angry with you, where is the one place she would go to be sure to be protected from you?"

He hadn't thought about that. His mind had been so clouded lately. First the baby, then the phone call. Maybe it had been the perfect time to leave the FBI, maybe he had been spread too thin. He slammed his fist on the table. The act made the gunman jump. "Damn It She went to the one place that–

' He stopped. "Thanks guys." he grabbed the baby and headed for the door.

"Mulder, you aren't going to go out there are you? If she is that bad off are you sure you want to do this?" Langley did not want to see his friend of ten years get twisted into a pretzel, right in front of his daughter.

He saluted and headed out of the door.

He was used to being able to fly at a moments notice. He could pack a bag in seconds flat. There were no easy answers today. Her Royal High Maintenance required an entourage of objects. Once again reminding himself of a pack mule, the out of work agent headed for the door.

The note addressed to him made him stop dead in his tracks. It was taped to the fish tank, and he recognized immediately it was the scrolly looping handwriting of Maggie Scully.

What The Fuck? He asked a little confused. Some one had crept in and played a sick joke on him, but it was someone that had a good rendition of Maggie's handwriting. Shaking from somewhere deep within, he slumped onto the couch and read the note.

-Fox,

I know you are upset and angry, and you have every right to feel every emotion that you are feeling right now. She did ask for you when she first woke up, and she did want to see you, but something changed when she was the picture of you and Dylan. She flung the picture across the room. I don't know what has transpired between the two of you, I myself had such high hopes and when I walked into that room and found you were not there...

Well anyway, she won't talk Fox, not about you, or work, or what wento on to put her in a coma. And she especially will not entertain any discussion about Dylan. I believe that whatever had out her into this state, for some reason she ties it to you and Dylan.

If you just give her some time Fox, I think she can work through this. You are a smart man, and given that I know you probably have already figured out where we are. Please I ask you not to come. She is so fragile, and I don't want her health threatened, and if you only calm down and think for a while you would agree, you have always wanted what was best for her, even when you could not give it to her.

You need to focus on Dylan. You raise your daughter, and I will raise mine. I cannot live without seeing her and I know that if I ask to come for a day you will allow it. You are so good to her and she is what you need. Please Fox, I don't know how long she will need, she is so angry, so unlike the Dana we both knew. I think that giving her time would be best for all in the long run.

Thank your neighbor again for me for delivering this note, she said she would put it where you were sure to look, I didn't want to go inside and find you two there. I will always think of you as a son, and I am intrusting in you the life of my grand daughter.

-Maggie.

To say he was shocked would have been the understatement of a lifetime. He was unable to form a coherent thought for twenty minutes, just sat on the couch reading and re reading the note. He realized she must remember the whole thing, the baby, him, the night that lead to the events. Everything was out of his power now. He had to formulate a plan and go on, to raise Dylan and try to find some kind of happiness until Scully moved past her anger, and at least agreed to see Dylan. He hopes it would be sometime before Dylan realized that everyone else had two parents. It was only the baby's demands for feeding that shook him away from his wallow.

So where does an out of work FBI agent end up when he doesn't want to stand on the wrong side of a gun anymore? That was an easy call. Somehow he had realized in the last few months that he loved being around kids. Their honesty and single-mindedness reminded him of happier times in his life. He wanted to create as perfect a world for Dylan as he could. He wanted her to enjoy a life of simple joys. So he took a job as a high school social science teacher with a part time gig as boys basketball coach. He had most of his summers off, and he could keep up on his lay ups and hook shots

He had honored Maggie's requests, and in the last year had not made any attempt at seeking out Dana. He was too busy anyway. Dylan, while a trial as an infant, became a terror on two feet. She handled everything, from dumping the contents of her pink sippy cup into the laptop, to flushing his keys into the toilet–repeatedly. She even hid the remote on him for so long he had given up and gone and bought a replacement. Only to have her march out of the kitchen clutching the missing one so that there was a matched set.

"Dylan, I love you but I thank fate everyday you only came in the single serve pack." She was his joy. He loved to take her to new places and watch as she through herself completely into the new experience. The first time he took her to the beach, he had debated on using a leash. Not one of those dog leashes, but the DCFS friendly kid versions you see young over taxed mothers using on little monsters that would no doubt wind up in his class one day. In the end he figured she could be trusted, at fourteen months of age she was pretty smart and had a natural sense of fear.

They were happy, at first when he had packed up and moved out here, he had questioned himself every day, pondering if he had really done the right thing, if he had merely been complacent in not seeking Scully out and forcing her to live up to her responsibilities. But he had done one thing, though if Scully was Scully again, she would have called it a passive aggressive move to subconsciously try to control the situation while remaining within the parameters of Maggie's requests.

So what if he had moved out to Fresno, that still didn't mean he would see her. He knew she had moved out there on a permanent basis. Even had received a few emails from Maggie remarking on how well her progress was at lead physically. She had met him a few times before he moved out to California, she had wanted to see Dylan, wanted to touch her and tell her how much she was loved. But deep down Mulder worried that she was just checking up to make sure whatever he had done to Scully was not being repeated with Little Scully.

When she was told of where he was moving to, she didn't get upset as he had feared, merely wagged the fickle finger of fate at him and gently reminded him of his promises.

Oh yeah Maggie, he mused, there were promises to be kept, but not just to you.

He needed Dylan to know her mother. He thought of it every day when he picked her up from the school day care. Only in America would you have a day care where both teachers and high school students could drop their kids off. He watched the other children that had mothers, even the children of young single mothers. They all possessed a softness that he feared Dylan would never have. He was concerned that too much ESPN was going to turn her into–what Scully.

She still fell asleep listening to Bob Dylan. The older acoustical stuff always hit her right when she was ready to fight til the dawn. He knew she had inherited his insomnia, she wanted to stay awake with him and hang out. She didn't yet realized that Daddy needed a break from the over demanded high maintenance Dylan. He spent his nights correcting papers, or watching an old science fiction flick on tv. Sometimes he would just curl up and feel sorry for himself, slef loathing being his favorite pass times.

But most of the times in the still quiet of the house he shared with his young daughter, he spent much in the same way as apartment 42, thinking of Scully.

Ok, WoW once again I am overwhelmed at the kindness es of my readers,

-Rosie, thank you for the extremely kind words, and I loved those quotes, but I have to qgree there are too many to name LOl

Moscully- thank you for that kind affectation

Lil gillian- I wish i could tell you how it turns out, but then I would have to kill you LOl-seriously, dont send out the little grey guys on me i will be good i promise

damandabear-man i loved that site of yours, laughed so hard i couldn't write for like an hour, thought the roomies would have to call 911 for oxygen. thank you for that wonderful break. LOL

I am home for the weekend where the internet roams free, so i will try to get in as muych as possible How am I doing? What dont you like? Let me know and I will consider it! Sorry this story is so long, but i swear it has a point really


	12. Mama You Been On My Mind

Perhaps it's the color of the sun cut flat and coverin'  
the crossroads I'm standin' at.  
Or maybe it's the weather or somethin' like that.  
But, mama, you been on my mind.

I don't mean trouble please don't put me down or get upset. I am not pleading  
or saying I can't forget you.  
I do not pace the floor bowed down and bent but yet,  
mama you been on my mind.

Even though my eyes are hazy and my thoughts they might be narrow where you been don't bother me  
or bring me down with sorrow.  
I don't even mind who'll you be waking with tomorrow.  
Mama, you're just on my mind.

I'm not askin' you to say words like yes or no. Please, understand me.  
I have no place I'm callin' you to go.  
I'm just whispering to myself so I can't pretend that I don't know.   
Mama, you been on my mind.

When you wake up in the mornin' baby look inside your mirror. You know I won't be next to you. You know I won't be near.  
I'd just be curious to know if you can see yourself as clear  
as someone who has had you on his mind.

-Bob dylan

Dana wasn't asking for much, just a little peace. She hadn't had that in three years. Not since the instant she woke up. She had spent the following three years going through the motions of life. She had stayed here on the west coast figuring it was safer than returning anywhere near DC. She left her old life, wasn't much there to claim anyway. She even left her things in storage, she had no use for those things things that reminded her of him ro their time together.

She rose off the couch of her small apartment near Laguna Beach. Life wasn't what she had imagined it would turn out to be. She spent most of her time alone, afraid to go out. Things had gotten worse when Mom died. Before that, Maggie had been her stregnth, her wisdom. She had dragged Dana out on more than one occasion, fdorcing her to leave the safe confines of her home and venture out into the land of the living. But that had all changed with Maggie's death. They had roomed together, holed up in this small one bedroom apartment for almost three years.

Dana had called the rape crisis hotline for some kind of assistance, they must have thought she was a nut. Hello, my name is Dana Scully, and I was raped, oh lets see about a year ago. Why didn't I call? Hmm well I was kinda tied up, oh no not literally...well I was comatose and they took that time to force me to have the rapists baby.

Yeah she was a nut.

The hotline had opened up a whole world to her, a world of women, and even some men, that had the experience. They sent her to groups, and even a doctor. The kind that kept a comfy couch in his office. He listened to her rant, took his little notes, and written her scripts for things that she never dreamed of taking.

Zoloft, Lexapro, and the best part of her little drug cocktail was the Seroquil. God must have dropped seroquil from heaven. Ut had two effects, first it knocked her out. Since waking up she had developed a case of insomnia that would have made Mulder insane.

Mulder,

The second effect was the best, it made her forget her nightmares. She knew she still had them, the ones of being touched and held down. When she got her 400mg of Seroquil, there were no screams in the night, no feelings of being watched. She almost felt normal again.

Almost.

She had gone to three meetings a week at first. There were so many people that had sad stories and shared them over and over again. It was to the point that she knew these women, not by their names, but by their stories. Oh that's Sue, yeah she is the one that got raped by her doctor, and over there, yeah that's um...I don't remember her name, but I know she got raped by her sons teacher.

She was reluctant to tell her story, she debated for months. Who would believe her? Who wouldn't want to call soctor Harris and have her dosage doubled? That and the fact that she had not once relived that story to one living soul. Not one. It was more out of shame for her lack of control thaan anything else. She was the one of control, she could take down a monster at one hundred paces. She had KILLED Donnie Pfaster, and got away with it too. So why then, could she not keep him out of her that night?

She eventually told her story, purely accidentally. One of the other women had related her story of steady ongoing rape, from the hands of her uncle. The woman, she thought her name was Stephanie, had started a debate regarding what kind of rape was the worst.

As if this could be classified in some book somewhere–The Hierarchy Of Rape.

She couldn't let it go on, the once silent victim spoke and shut the whole room up.

"Hi, my name is Dana, and I have sat and listened to you all for almost a year now with no idea of when or how or even if I would tell my story. I don't think any of you will believe it, and I am fine with that. But this is my life and it happened to me." Her voice had begun to shake, she stopped, inhaling deeply to quell her racing heart.

"I was an FBI agent for five six years. Five of which I was placed in a specialized unit of the Bureau that dealt with paranormal investigations." She glanced around the room at the slight tittering that had erupted and wondered momentarily if she would, at least secretly be stuck with the Spooky moniker.

"My partner was someone I could trust, we had become so close, He was an intense person, dark handsome and brooding." She shuddered when her mind brought out an image of Fox Mulder. "He was my protector, and endanger. We shared more together than many people that were married for twenty years."

She was beginning to lose her nerve, so she knew it was time to cut to the chase."We had a long standing friendship, and we had even swapped keys. Which had a reason back then, too many times we had to recuse each other when no one could open the door. One night, I found myself in a situation...I awoke to someone touching me, opening me. I was raped all that night. I was motionless, couldn't speak or move. Over and over he wouldn't even stop for a rest. "

"I kept thinking to myself, hey I am Special Agent Dana Scully, I can just get up and kick this guys ass. But I couldn't I think he drugged me. The worst part about it was not the paralisys. It was the perpetrator. At first I thought it was an intruder, I had left the window open in my apartment, or had accidently left the door unlocked. Neither one of those were true."

Dana once again looked around the room at the caring and compassionate faces that filled the hall of the YMCA room that they met in.

:It was the person I trusted above all other, above even myself. He had entered my apartment and raped me, but that even was not the worst of it. That night, was the last thing I remembered for over a year. When I awoke, I was in a nursing home. See in my mind, for about ten minutes I thought I had either dreamed the whole thing, or had some fucked up coma induced fantasy going on. You hear about those happening, but.. Anyway, I get this picture from my mother, of Mulder, my partner, holding a baby in his arms. That's when it hits me. See if I had been in a coma, he never would have a baby. This is a man that was so driven in his pursuit of his goals, he could not even feed his fish."She smiled at the near constant trips to the pet store to replace the mollies. See in our sick way back then, we were in love. I know that sounds creepy given the situation. I can't explain the way we were together, I don't think any of you would really get it. Yet, to be betrayed by the one person that held you that close to them, it was like shattering not just the trust in that person, but your whole concept of trust period. And any potential of trust from that point on. I dream often that it was a stranger. I could have handled that."

"I knew it was my baby he was holding, forget the fact of her red hair. I knew. He looked so damn satisfied and smug with himself I couldn't take it. I had always wanted a family, children of my own and was under the assumption that I never would. But I saw this child and all I wanted to do was run. She was an abomination, created out of my pain. I was made to carry this child and bear it without anyone giving any thought to my safety. I was not allowed to make any reproductive choices. I had no control.'

She stopped there for a minute, trying not to cry like the other victims in that room."I have never held my...daughter, and I don't think I will ever want to.' She went and sat down there. She felt better having shared, having told. The silence hit the room like a freight train, no one knew what to say to her. Mercifully the counselor called for a close of the meeting and Dana crawled home.

Anyone else would have felt a sense of relief at the telling of that tell, anyone would find a way to start picking up the pieces and finally take that soul bath. No there was only one thing that was going to quell this ache in her soul. She had to go see him, confront him with his own precious truth. Throw her hurt in his face and make him wallow in it.

So now, three years four months and a dozen days since she ceased playing Sleeping Beauty, Dana sought out Fox Mulder.

"All right guys, lets hussle up here." Mulder clapped his hands three times, offered his fledgling basketball team the customary pep talk and sent them off to the showers. He was running late for picking up Dylan, and she had a habit of holding grudges.

He walked around the elpty gym picking up stray balls and shirts. Apparently coaching teenaged boys was a lot like raising a four year old.

He was so wrapped up in planning out the weekend for the two of them that he did not notice the door behind him open until the red head cleared her throat.

He knew it was her before he turned around, his shoulders slumped and his breathing became ragged. For a few seconds, he thought he was going to have a heart attack.

"That's close enough Mulder." She spoke, hands on hips. God how many times did he catch Dylan standing just like that, usually it was when she caught him drinking out of the milk carton.

"Scully, I don't even know how to start here.'

"Why don't you let me do the talking here since I am the injured party.'

"No you re not."

"Excuse me?"? There went that eyebrow" Are you new here? Wasn't I the one raped, left in a coma, and made to procreate?"

"Yes you were, and as much as you have been injured, there is one that has been hurt far worse. Let me ask you a question Scully, how would you have felt not having a mother?" He wished he could take the words back the minute he spoke them. Charlie had called him last year to tell him of Maggie's death, and to dissuade him from attending the funeral.

"Mulder, I did not agree to give birth to that." she spit out. "Don't you go preachy on me you got no room to talk. I never thought you would ever hurt me Mulder. You were the only person I have ever trusted. I loved you." She was screaming and the sound reverberated through the gym.

It hurt him to hear her say those words, to hear love from her mouth with a past tense. "Scully, I want to hash this out with you, I know you feel this is going to helo you some how, but before the tirade continues, I need to make a phone call please, three minutes tops." He grabbed his phone at her small nod of agreement.

"Hey, yeah This is Fox Mulder, yeah Dylan's dad, yeah...Listen can you tell her I am not going to pick her up early for our date? Yeah that is cute huh? No don't put her on, just tell her we will go out for pizza when I come get her, no don't put her...Hi honey, yeah I know, no Dyl, I will be there.

soon ok? Yes I know you are upset, yes I know I promised...Sweety I am only gonna be a little late ok? Yeas we will stop at the toy store." He smiled here, looked over at Scully and gave her the Hey I do My Best shrug.

Scully smiled at this, yeah she thought. Give him Hell Dylan, he deserves it.

He turned back to her after calming down his four year old. Took a deep breath and waited for the rest of the onslaught to begin.


	13. She Belongs To Me

She's got everything she needs  
She's an artist, she don't look back  
She's got everything she needs  
She's an artist, she don't look back  
She can take the dark out of nighttime  
And paint the daytime black.  
-Bob Dylan

He knew this day would come eventually, knew that this was something he would have to face. He stood there, looking at her, raking his eyes over every inch of her, and having a hard time focusing on anything other than her bright blue eyes.

Dylan's Eyes.

"So, where fo you want to start Scully?" He asked fighting the urge to run to the day care grab his daughter and shove her in her mother's face.

"Mulder, I have been through four years of hell, do you know that? Do you have any idea of what your little midnight raid did to me?" Tears had begun to form in the small corners of her eyes, and her voice had millions of tiny little cracks in it. "I thought you were my truth Mulder, I thought you were my knight in shining armor. Maybe I should not have put you on a pedestal, seeing as how your feet are made of clay." Her chest hitched, absently, Mulder moved closer to try and soothe her. She jumped backwards nearly twenty feet. "Don't you EVER come near me Fox Mulder. Don't even think about touching me. I have spent the last four years trying to wash your stink off of me, trying to forget I ever met you. I cant even hold down a job. The doctor has me on enough mood stabilizers to take down a small elephant. I scream at night for no reason, I can't stand being alone, and dating is out of the question. Who do I trust now Mulder? You taught me to trust no one, no one but you. Where does that leave me now?"

She began to dig through her purse for a tissue. She was a mess, he felt his heart cracking at the cellular level, every cell in his body wanted to grab her and hold her apologize for anything and everything and beg her to come home with him. He could take care of her, put her back together again.

Instead, he opened his mouth. "When you put it that way Scully, I'm sorry seems so trite."

"Yeah, that's it Mulder boy, tell another joke. The only reason I never brought you up on charges was cause of the circumstances. Who would believe me anyway? The entire Hoover Building had a pool on our relationship. I don't know why this is so hard for you to understand."

"It's not hard Scully, I hurt you, I blamed myself from the minute I found you in your room. I had no memory of what happened until it was too late. You can think that a cop out, but it is the truth. I never wanted this for you, for us. I used to fantasize about the two of us, married and raising our children together. I have been raising our daughter alone for four years. I am not looking for sympathy, but I think you are missing out on her. She is a beautiful girl, with a perfect heart." He dug out his wallet and produced a recent picture of Dylan. It was taken at the zoo, and she smiled at the camera as she stroked the lambs at the petting zoo.

He tried to extend it out to her, she turned away as if offered acid to drink. "She is not my daughter Mulder." She sniffed

:When she was born Scully, we had her DNA tested.."

"That is not what I meant and you know it!" She was getting angry now, he was trying to force the fruit of his rape into her life. Not gonna freaking happen boy-o.

"Scully, Dana, Please she asks about you almost every day. Look if you don't want to see me that is fine, I have had a lot of time to get used to the idea of our friendship crash and burning. But don't push her out of your life. I can arrange for you to pick her up somewhere neutral where I won't be anywhere near. Please Scully I am begging for Dylan." He had momentarily flashed the infamous puppy dog look at her, shot down by a scowl he had never seen from her, one he sure was reserved for the scummy stuff she had to scrub off the bottom of the toilet.

"I will not be a party to this travesty," she raged, waving the picture away. "I can't deal Mulder, and its your fault. You want me to breeze in and be a mother to that child when I don't know her. You crawled into my room that night Mulder, you got on top of me and had your way." Her voice had taken on a strange sing song cadence, Mulder was a little afraid that she was much more unhinged than what he had originally thought. Maybe she doesn't need to see Dylan. He thought to himself. Dylan sure could do without coming face to face with Psycho Mom.

She went for her purse again, only this time she wasn't reaching for a tissue. It happened so fast, she drew out a small 22 weapon and aimed it at him. "Consider this a warning Fox Mulder, I will not ever entertain a meeting with either you or your hell spawn. Its bad enough you moved out here to California, when I found out you were here all along I wanted to run back eadt, but I have to make my stand Mulder. " The gun shook in her tiny hands, the old Scully wielded a much bigger weapon and her aim was true. But even a crazy woman could get off a lucky shot. And where she was aiming he didn't want to take a chance.

You gonna shoot me Scully?" He asked, a little more quivery than he would have liked.

"Its not like I haven't done it before, so you know I have no qualms doing so. Stay the hell away from me, I wanted to come here to see you, to confront you, and now I have done that. I wonder if the staff here knows the quality of teacher that they have here. Rape any pretty teenagers Mulder?"

The accusation made him physically ill. "Scully, whatever happened between us, I am sorry, I am so sorry for what it has made you. I loved you Dana, I love you still. " He didn't know he was crying, until the tears ran down his face and salted his mouth.

"Oh give me a break Mulder. You knew what you were doing that night. You used your key, got undressed and dropped a few loads in me. Then to add insult into injury, you used me for a human incubator for nine months." She waved the gun to punctuate her words. "I so hope that when you do in fact die, whatever god you believe in torments you the way you have and will continue to torment me." She finally put the gun away, adjusted herself a little and turned on one heel.

"Scully," he called after her slowly disappearing form. "If you ever change your mind. I am here I'm not going anywhere. Please, when you are ready for us we will be here." She didn't acknowledge him, just kept walking with that same steady gait until she reached the double doors of the gym that lead back outside.

"That went well." He said to no one.

"Daddy, when are we going to talk to Mommy?" She asked this question just about every day, usually after watching her favorite movie Bambi. Something about the reoccurring death of Bambi's mother dragged out all of these emotions in her. "I think she should come over for dinner. " She added.

"Dyl, sweety, remember how I told you that some people only have one parent that lives with them? Your mom has a lot of things to deal with in her life. She just isn't ready to be a mommie yet." He didn't know what else to say to her. He had been sugar coating this issue for her for the last two years, and he was starting to run out of careful dodges.

"Well, why don't you call her and see if she is ready?" She folded her arms in her little seat and gave him a look of intense concentration. She is too much like me, he alsost laughed. She isn't going to let this one go.

"Dyyyyyyyl," he whined at her. "When she is ready she will come, ok? I know this is hard for you honey, and I had hoped that she would be ready. But we have to be strong. And hey, ya got me kid, aren't we doing all right?" He smiled at her, and she reached up and honked his nose.

"Yeah Daddy, we are ok, but I think we would be improved with a mom around. You take a lot of work." Her intelligence never ceased to amaze him. He had never spoken to her like a child, and in return, she had flourished in her development. Dylan taught herself to read at the age of 18 months. He didn't believe it at first, thought she was just looking through books and ogling at the pictures.

Until she got hold of the refrigerator magnets.

Yeah, he had a fridge full of them. He had bought them when she was only four months old. He had read somewhere that having them around was a good way to get a baby used to the shapes of letters. Much like her mother, Dylan never did anything half assed.

He was doing dishes, Dylan had sat on the floor of the kitchen playing with the magnets and babbling.

"D" she said. He assumed that she was babbling about him "D, Daddy." she squealed at her realization and went on. By the time he turned around, she had spelled out DAD on the fridge.

"Uh oh, Houston we have a problem.' He had scooped her up, chores forgotten and sat in the recliner with her reading book after book. She had the reading thing down. They went from Dr. Seuss, to Little house on the Prairie. At three she got a hold of his old Psychology books He only found out when she began to test out the theory of reverse Psychology on him.

That was his Dylan. He decided not to make a big deal out of it. Not wanting to turn her into a freak. It was important to him to not make a huge deal out of her brains. Mulder had long ago decided that she would have a normal life. Nope, he decided flatly.. No X-File here.

They had settled into a routine, she was the doting daughter, and she let him believe he was in charge. In the mornings, she would get up first, and as long as he had set up the coffee maker the night before, she would climb onto the counter and switch it on for him. She usually made her own breakfast, cereal and a banana. They would sit at the table together in the morning, she would listen to him run down the itinerary for the day, and she would remind him of things he sometimes left off on purpose. She was good.

The one thing she did allow him to do for her was to braid her long red hair. She stood on the chair in the kitchen and he softly brushed her hair out, it was his favorite time of the day. She would prattle on and on about who did what to whom in pre school and how much she hated this kid or liked the other, as he gently but tightly braided her hair into two long tails.

It was a good life, one he almost felt he did not deserve.

"What do you want to be for Halloween this year Dyl?" He asked her the nest day over the exact smae act.

"She thought for a second, then turned her small head to him "I want to be a doctor just like my mom." It was so unexpected he almost dropped the braid. He had not told her of Scully's visit the day before, did not want to upset her. He had always been honest with her about Scully, even when the truth hurt. Of course there were things that he left out, but for the most part it was the truth. Yes Dyl, mommy and daddy used to work together. Yes Dyl, though not an accident you were more of a surprise. Yes Dyl, Daddy used to work for the FBI, though that was a very long time ago and his life is much more exciting now.

"Ok, so lets go today and get you a costume, hmm what else do we have to do?"This was his favorite game,

"Umm, we have to get a present for Grandma Mulder, and we have to go visit Grandma Scully's grave." She piped in.

"Yeah, but I think there is something else too."

"Groceries?" She offered.

"Yeah, that too."He returned.

"Fish food, and a new floatie for the tank..."

"Dyl, you know what we have to do."

"Nope, I think that is it Daddy, you said we could get ice cream today too."

"Uh Huh, but that is only because of the other place we have to go to."

"Awwwwww" she whined giving him his own puppy dog look."Do we HAVE to?"

"I know you hate the needles Dyl, but you gotta get your shot kiddo."

Oh yeah, this was heaven.

Yoiu readers keep me sane!

Parker, I can tell you the idea kinda came from an episode of Law and Order believe it or not, but the rest kinda jumped out at me. Read back to chapter six end notes i give a better explaination of the ideas and why i wrote this Thank you for the compliments, I am flattered and motivated to go on.

Ok, I am going back to school in the morning so i dont know when the next chapter is coming, I know i know gillia, the little grey men came, they are not happy. LOL

I will try to get more out by thurs i have a big anatomy test then I bet you guys would be shocked to know that I am a MICROBIOLOGY major.

OK, before i get hate mail, Dylan is not an x file, her gift is actually a true story, and to let you in on a little secret my own son was the inspiration for it. He taught himself to read, read my Psych books, and tried reverse psych on me. TAlk about a show off.


	14. The Times They Are AChanging

Come gather 'round people  
Wherever you roam  
And admit that the waters  
Around you have grown  
And accept it that soon  
You'll be drenched to the bone.  
If your time to you  
Is worth savin'  
Then you better start swimmin'  
Or you'll sink like a stone  
For the times they are a-changin'

–Bob Dylan

She thought it would have given her some peace, thought that her little visit would have evened everything out. Bi such luck.

She had found her way home after her visit with her ex-partner. Had driven on auto pilot til she made her way back to her tiny apartment.

He looked happy, she mused with a rush of mixed emotions. He looked happy and content.

Fucking bastard.

Once she hit the front door, she made a bee-line for the medicine cabinet. Everything was twisted, everything was muddled. She had briefly caught a glimpse of the red-head in the mirror. Oh God, she thought I look like hell.

This had been planned for a while, she had wanted to get it done and over with, wanted to put a final end to all of the torment her mind afforded her. Up until her drive to Fresno, she had hated him, had wanted so badly to pull the trigger and end his hold over her for once and for all. When the time came, she hesitated, why? She had killed before, and for far less, why could she not stand and deliver this time.

Because I knew it would not end this pain. I knew it would go on even if he had assumed room temperature. His face would still haunt her, his face would still torment her. Ans at the very crux of every emotion that ran through her mind, there was still one single salutary truth that she had to face in the end.

I guess I still love him. Oh God how could I have done this? I should have spoke to him sooner.

We're here Scully, whenever you change your mind... His words called out to her, reached her from across time. He had always been there for her, had always come to his rescue, and she his.

What have I done? It hit her for the first time I have pushed everyone away, I have run away from this for so long there is no way to go back. Even her brothers had given up. After Mom died they would beg, plead for her to come to family gatherings. She had flatly refused, Charlie had come last Christmas Eve, just showed up on her doorstep. "Come on Dana," he begged. "We can have a nice Christmas, and put all the past behind." They didn't understand why she was so angry, she never told them. The shame was too great.

"No Charlie, please just leave, I don't think I can handle a happy family at this point, ok?" She offered him a frail smile, a shadow of one that used to grace her strong features.

"Not good enough Danes." He forced. "We have tried to get you out of the hole you dug yourself into, we go through the same song and dance every damn holiday. At least Mom could get through to you, but I don't have that power Dana." She used to at least try, and they would go through the same routine every time. He and Bill would run through thier houses hiding any and all remnants of Dylan. It had become a sick joke in the Scully family. Dylan was the child that did not exist. He once felt sorry for what his sister had become, yet in the last few months, that sympathy had turned into a sort of loathing for what she had become.

"This is your last chance Dana," Charlie warned. Bill and I we, we don't know how to fix you. Your walls are so thick. What happened to you Dana? Was it the coma? The baby? What?

She had answered his questions about her mental state in the same way as she had the last four years. Her blank stare said little and spoke volumes.

Charlie raised his hands up. "All right I give up, call us when you are ready to join the land of the living again. Love you sis"With that he left.

Now sitting in the soft dusk of her living room, she pondered what had become of the shambles of her life. She missed him, she knew that. Seeing him today had awakened emotions in her that she had kept buried with the pills. She had seen pictures of Dylan before. The last Christmas before Maggie died. In a last ditch effort that night, after they had returned form Bill's for Dinner, Maggie had dragged out the family album that she kept. "Dana, " she began. "I need a Christmas present from you."

"What Mom?" she asked from the kitchen.

"Can you come in here and sit with me?" Her mom had given up a lot to stay and take care of her, when it came to Maggie Scully, she had a hard time saying no.

Initially, Dana assumed Maggie wanted to sit and reminisce But after a few innocuous photos of family, the pictures of Dylan began. "Mom," she warned getting up.

Maggie grabbed her hand and shook her head. "No Dana, I need this." Dana had picked up something in her voice that made her acquiesce.. She stared as Maggie flipped the pages, babbling on about what picture meant what.

She had to admit, the little girl was cute. Dana found herself staring at the smiling face of Dylan. She kind of reminded her of a red haired Samantha. Dana hoped that Mulder noticed that too, that Dylan stood as reminder of the two females in his life that he would never see again.

They looked at the pictures all night, and for some reason Dana found it almost comforting.

Now, alone in her apartment, Dana went in search through her mother's things and brought out the album. She flipped through them, slowly. There were pictures of Dylan as an infant, sitting in a bathtub, Her first little wobbly steps, her first birthday. She missed it all, she had become the absentee parent.

She cried then, for the first time she cried not cry for herself. The self pity momentarily forgotten, she cried for the motherless little girl who was still so brave to smile in those pictures. She wnated to touch her, to snuggle into her in a rocking chair and read Good Night Moon to her. She wanted to be her mother.

Then the reality hit her full on the face. Too much water had gone under that bridge, too much time had passed for her to show up in her daughter's life and demand her for her love. Oh God she hurt.

She gathered everything together, the envelope addressed to Dylan, her small notes and the implements she needed. Even though she had a gun in her purse, Scully knew it wean't fool proof. She had saved up her meds for a month, had catagorized all her belongings, and purchased a fifth of Jim Bean.

Soft music played from her steero as she popped pill after pil, washing it down with the strong whiskey. She laid back on the couch, clutching the photo album and mumbling prayers for her forgiveness.

And as Bob Dylan played on the cd, Dana Scully drifted off to sweet oblivion.

He was in the middle of his 8 am class when he got the phone call. He always left it on vibrate during classes. The caller idea informed him he needed to take this call. He excused himself and told the class to study quietly.

"Charlie," He choked. "What's wrong?" He knew some how he had known, but he needed to hear the words spoken, needed what his old job would have called verbal confirmation.

"She's gone Mulder." He whimpered. "We found her this morning, she has been gone for a while." The man's voice wasn't going to hold for much longer, and he knew he had to keep him talking to get the information he needed.

"How?" He asked.

"Mulder, she hasn't been right for a long time, she..." Yeah Mulder knew that too.

"All right, make the arrangements and let me know if you need anything give me a call. I have to go tell my daughter her mother is dead."

The funeral was held three days later, closed casket. He had debated bringing Dylan, it seemed really cruel to bring her to the funeral for a mother she never knew,. But in the end it was Scully who made the choice for him. Scully of all people.

Found on her coffee table, amongst the hastily scrawled suicide note, and the crude will. She had placed her cross in an envelope and addressed it to Dylan. No note for her, no hey sorry kid. But the cross said it all.

She was also found clutching a photo album that Maggie had put together of photos of Dylan.

Dylan wanted to come, all in all she took it pretty well, though he knew she would eventually be following the Mulder tradition of early counseling.

She stood there amongst her uncles, holding court as usual. They told her endless stories of her mother, and she smiled. She was wearing the little gold cross around her neck and had began the traditon of fingering it when she was nervous.

He had not cried yet, could not bring himself to do it, could not get to his head that he should cry. The anger spilled over, she had taken the cowards way out, she had decided that she herself knew better her fate, and she had robbed Dylan of what she deserved.

He walked over to the grave sight after the ceremony, Bill offered to take Dylan home so that he could have some time alone. He bent down and traced the name on the stone. He sighed and begnan to feel the bitter tears welling in his eyes.

"You were never meant for this Scully, you were meant for so much better. Why didn't you call me, oh yeah cause I raped you..." His voice was shaky, and rising.

"I love you, and I always will. There will never be anyone else for me, the only woman in my life now watches Bambi and cries."

He stood up reached into his pocket and puled out a stone. It was a pink quartz, with streaks of black running through it. "I know your're aren't Jewich but..." He began openly crying now.

"I wish I could go back and choose you Dana." And as he placed the stone on top of her grave marker the world went black.

"See Mr. Mulder," he heard a familiar voice say. "You made your choice now how hard was that?"

"Mulder?" He heard another familiar voice calling to him from the darkness, "Mulder, oh thank God you are awake, I thought we were gonna have to do this for another twenty minutes." She smiled down at him, her face a plethora of emotions, all happy.

"Huh?" he mumbled. What the Fuck?

He opened his eyes to confirm the voice was real and not some amalgamation of his guilt.

"Scully?" he asked "Are you gonna shoot me now?" Then it hit him. "Where's Dylan? Did you see her yet? I have to go get her from bill's, she worries if I don't show up on time. Truthfully," he mused raising himself up and looking for his clothes. "I am more than a little afraid of her." Why the hell am I in a hospital?

"Mulder, who the fuck is Dylan, and why would you have to pick her up from my brother's house? Remember Mulder he hates your guts."

Please don't kill me, I had this planned all along, but it gets better i swear ok?

In hindsight i should have warned yall this was coming, but that would be like telling someone waht you got them for christmas.

Rosie, I have been looking for that quote, thank you for sending it to me, it is now my favorite.

I will have yall know I cried the whole time i wrote this chapter, my sister told me i was nuts, she is mad for how it turned out and wants to see the rest, and she is not even an x files fan LOL

Thanks for staying with me and plzzz flames are a comin i know

I can take it LOL


	15. I Dare You To Move

Maybe redemption's your story to tell

Maybe forgiveness is back where you fell

Where can you run to escape from yourself?

Where you gonna go,

Where you gonna go?

Salvation is here.

Switchfoot

"Mulder, what the hell are you talking about? Mulder stop, look at me you are not making much sense. You have just been diagnosed with a really nasty concussion and you are trying to sign yourself out AMA? She was trying not to sound too much like a nagging shrew, but the effect had already taken over.

He wouldn't talk to her, the whole time he got his things together and dealt with the paperwork, he had pretended she wasn't even there.

Ok, damn it, it hurt.

"Mulder, leaving the hospital with a concussion can lead to fatal-"She was trying hard to keep up with him as he pounded through the hospital hallways.

"Why are you following me?" He spurted, with an odd rage that she could not place.

"Mulder they called me when you had your car accident?"

"Scully I can think of about twelve things wrong with that statement." He slammed the elevator button and cursed having to sit there and make nice-nice with her.

"Don't get me wrong Scully, its nice to see you and all. Seeing as how the last conscious thought I had was being at your funeral. Then, I do a total Dorothy here only to find out that I am sane and everyone else is in need of some serious psycho-therapy."

"Mulder I don't understand…"

"No," He almost screamed at her. "You wouldn't understand because to you she was nothing more than a piece of toilet paper dragged by your shoe. To you she was a reminder of a night that I thought was one of the most beautiful experiences in my life." He absently whipped out his wallet and began searching through it for a picture to shove in her face. All he found were Adult Video Membership cards and a MUFON Id amongst the usual credit cards and valid forms of Identification. "Shit" he muttered, almost feeling the tears coming now.

"Mulder are you?" She kept reminding herself he just got up from a nasty concussion; of course he is going to be a little disoriented and may say some hurtful things.

"Shut up Scully" He said as they got on the elevator.

"So where are you going anyway?" She asked him, more out of concern than small talk." I mean your car is a memory, and since you don't want me 'following you' I ask again. Where are you going to go?" She had almost twisted her ankle trying to keep up with his break neck speed. He was walking like a man on fire.

He had not thought that far into the future. It was obvious to him that he was back in Georgetown, that it was possible that he had returned to the very same night that had led to Dylan.

God how he missed her. His arms ached all over to tuck her into his side and watch Bambi again for the millionth time. He wanted to go home and braid her hair, smell her freshly washed skin. She had a great smell, an almost Scully smell. The more he thought of his daughter, the harder it was to not tear up. Scully was eyeing him in the hospital with the look of a concerned mother. Yeah Scully, a little late for that.

"I need to go home and see if…my fish are all right. Can you give me a ride?" He felt awkward being near her, it didn't feel right. He didn't trust her. It wasn't the fact that not ten days ago, at least to him, she had waved a gun at him and aimed for parts he did not want to lose. It was the wild look in her eyes that day, the fact that she was capable of it.

Yeah, and I am the one who unhinged her. He tried to shake the thought off, admitting to himself also that he knew if he ever wanted to meet Dylan, tonight would be the night.

Fat Chance of that he laughed.

When they arrived at the door of his apartment, he hesitated, trying to ready himself to meet the Fox Mulder that was. He knew it would be the same dingy pre Scully sanitization. But deep inside he had wished above all even throwing a prayer, that she would be in there, arms folded ready to kick his ass unless he had the right answers.

So much like her Mother.

"Mulder?" Scully asked reaching for his hand, and remembering better. "Are you ok?"

"She's not in there is she?" He asked, letting the tears fall and not caring anymore. "She's gone, my truth, my baby. "He slammed his fist into the door. For the first time in his life he didn't want answers, the only thing he wanted was the little four year old that led him around by the nose.

"No Mulder, you have no children. You can barely remember to feed your fish. "She tried not to smirk, but the thought of all the dead fish flushed in his apartment was hard to put out of her mind.

His shoulders slumped, and he reluctantly, if not slightly hopefully opened the door.

It was sickening to him, the porn piled up in the corner, the layer upon layer of bacterial growth that seemed to cover every inch of the place. If there was a kid here he mused, she would have gotten swallowed up in the filth. Scully watched him move around his apartment, noticing how he seemed unwilling to touch anything. Odd she thought.

"Mulder, I need to stay here tonight.." She began clearing off a spot on his couch." I cannot leave you in here alone with a concussion." He didn't answer her, just came in and slipped in next to her on the couch.

"I know I am not making much sense here Scully, and you have a hard time believing me. As Usual." He smiled over at her at their inside joke. "She was real Scully, she was sooo real." He tapped his foot on the floor to some unheard rhythm.

"You wanna talk about it?" She asked Not sure if discussing his odd lucid dreaming was a good topic of discussion, but she knew it would keep him awake.

"Not really, I" his voice cracked noticeably. "I am having a really hard time here Scully." He jumped up, and headed for his room. For a minute she thought he was going to go to sleep, till he returned and put something in the stereo.

"Mulder, I didn't know you listened to Bob Dylan…Oh I get it now." She smiled at having learned some new part of him.

"Well, it was the only thing that would put her to sleep; she had a pretty good case of insomnia." He smiled.

"So what do you think all of this was Mulder? Do you think you lived this life or had a twenty minute coma induced fantasy? What?"

"I'm not sure yet Scully. I need to find some…answers. I think CSM has had something to do with it." He cringed at a realization. "I heard his voice before I heard yours when I 'woke up' I think I had to make a choice."

"What?" she asked. "Mulder are you telling me that you believe that CSM had the technology to alter realities? Oh My God Mulder did you choose me over her?"

"I-I think I did Scully." He began to speak tell everything. By dawn she had the whole story, from the first night on. Too say she was horrified was such a small statement. She nodded at the telling of their conversation in the gym, and how unhinged she had become. How he could not let her life be some sad afterthought.

"We have to find her Mulder. We have to..." He stopped her then. "I Know she is gone Scully," he placed her hand on his heart. "I don't feel her here."

"My mother once not too long ago..." He would have to find the right terminology for this one. "It was the first time I took Dylan over to her. She and I really Talked ya know? It was like her seeing Dylan had blown apart all the walls we had up. We talked all night about Samantha. Anyway, she told me that I had more power to change the world Scully, and that power was sleeping in my arms. We can't change the world in a huge bang. We change it one world at a time, do you get what a mean?"

"Yeah," she smiled with realization. "I think I do."

He had been on the phone all morning. She wasn't sure about what. She had fallen asleep on the couch around seven a.m., and was barely aware of his hyperactive burst. She stumbled off to the bathroom to take a shower and throw on some fresh clothes.

"Hey Scully." He asked popping his head into the bedroom as she rustled through his sweats. "Wanna help me clean?" Good thing the bed was there, she felt like she was going to faint.

They spent all afternoon getting the house in order. Mulder would only stop long enough to pop a few Tylenol when the headache threatened to show up again. "So what brought all this on Mulder?" She asked when they had sat down for a lunch of tuna fish sandwiches.

"I can't live like this anymore Scully. Me and… Dylan we had a decent life. She would yell at me when I drank out of the carton. She told me often that I took a lot of work." His smile was one of a proud Papa.

"Out of the mouths of babes Mulder. "" She grinned. "I gotta tell ya Mulder, this is gonna take a lot of getting used to." She laughed. "Ok, I can see the cleanliness detail, but are you sure you are ready to part with those tapes?" She laughed pointing to the huge box next to the front door.

"Yeah, Frohike is coming to get them in the morning." He graced her with a lopsided grin. "He thinks he is coming over to help fix my computer." He threw in another big batch of magazines and tapes. "I would not want anyone to ogle my daughter the way I ogled the women in those tapes."

Makes sense, she thought, so he has matured…a little.

They started on the bedroom after lunch. Mulder actually got rid of not just the tapes but the magazines, the memberships. and the secret stash of Celebrity skin hidden under his mattress. He sorted through all the paper work in his closet and arranged it neatly. Stock summaries and bank statements of long gone by. Damn, he thought to himself, could I have been this much of a pig?

"Scully, do you remember the conversation in the parking garage a while back?" He asked while sorting through stock and bond statements.

"You mean yesterday right?" She asked still not believing what she had found under the bed. She was sure it was moving.

"Yeah, ok. Do you ever wonder Scully? I mean I think that conversation had a lot to do with my little trip. I remember once you told me that a dream is an answer to a question. You posed the question yesterday Scully. Maybe I am the one who needed the answer. "He trailed off and went into the kitchen.

Scully was a little flustered herself, she wasn't sure what he was saying, but he came pretty close to admitting something that she herself was ready to.

They settled in that night for Chinese and a movie. Mulder even let her pick it out, though cringed visibly when he caught a look at the title.

"Aw Scully," He whined trying to pry it from her hands. "Do we HAVE to watch this one again?"

Mulder, unless you want me to kick your ass in the middle of Blockbuster, I suggest you get over it."

He did. They were sitting close together now, she had her head on his shoulder, and he was trying to pay attention to Miss Congeniality and not the fact that he had not smelled her hair in four years. It was just as he remembered. "Hey Scully." Ha grabbed her hand and squeezed it. "What if I wake up from this? I mean what if this isn't real and I am really in a coma?"

She leaned into him,

Mulder didn't want to go into the office. She was about to knock him out and drag him in when he had a sudden change of heart, probably envisioned me waving that gun at his nether regions again.

For him it was like being trapped in an episode of The Twilight Zone. It was him, but not him. He didn't want to admit it to Scully, but being there scared the hell outta him. She would say that he had to get back on the horse and ride, but he felt that horse should have been shot a long time ago.

"Scully," He said after having made it through a poultry fifteen minutes of updates and briefings. "I don't think I can do this anymore." He rose to grab his coat.

"Mulder, you can't just leave, we just got here."

"I don't feel well enough to be here Scully, the last time I was here." His voice began to crack. "I brought Dylan here to empty out my things. Scully I left the X-files, and I didn't look back."

"Are you quitting Mulder?" She asked with more than a little fear in her voice.

"No, I don't know Scully. When we left here Friday, everything made sense. Of course that was five years ago for me. I was worried that you were ready to quit. I know you want a family. Lord knows you aren't ever going to find anyone as long as I keep you locked up in the dungeon." He stormed out, not even grabbing his suit jacket. "Do yourself a favor Scully. Run."

Scully was unsure of what to do next. She placed a call into Skinner requesting a week off for her and her partner. After filling out the proper paperwork he agreed, given the news of Mulder's car accident. "No sir, "she explained. "Everything is fine; he just has a little headache and is obviously shaken. Yes sir, that is odd for him. "She hated lying to her boss, but she didn't want Mulder to be in any more trouble than the kind he usually got himself into.

She headed for his apartment. Not sure if he would be there. He had a four hour head start on him, and he was practiced at the art of ditching her. It was a habit that got him into more trouble and her into more rescue operations. Than either one of them could count.

She reached his apartment not sure if she should open the door or knock. Placing an ear to the door and hearing nothing, it seemed a good idea to use her key. Once her eyes adjusted to the darkness, what she found made her draw her weapon.

You have all been sooo kind so i am uploading two count em two chapters todaty. Thank god for the computer lab at college LOL

Shadow, please dont hurt me, it has all been in the name of entertainment


	16. Ghost of A Good Thing

I guess its luck but it's the same

Hard luck you been trying to tame

Maybe its love but it's like you said

Love is like a role that we play

But I believe in you so much

I could die for the words you say

But I believe in you so much

I could die from the words you say

But you're chasing the ghost of a good thing

Haunting yourself as the real thing

It's getting away from you again

While you're chasing ghosts

Dashboard Confessional

He was seated on the couch, legs sprawled out in front of him, he had one hand on his head, and the other held his Sig Sauer, pointed at his head. Silently she approached his blank stare. "Mulder, "She spoke softly, yet with enough volume and authority for him to know she was serious. "Put that gun down or I will be forced to-"

"To what Scully," He said in an all too calm voice. "Shoot me." It was more of a demand than a question.

"Mulder I am a great shot, I can shoot in places that will accomplish the same goal with no fatality now put down that weapon."

His hand twitched, and for an instant she thought he was going to concede. At the last second he brought the gun up and aimed it at Scully. "Now you have to shoot me Scully, I am pointing a loaded weapon at a Federal Agent." He smirked. "Come on Scully, you have wanted me dead for four years. Come get some."

They stood like that for what felt like hours. Scully was sure he was drunk, even though she could not prove it; the air was thick with the sickly smell of alcohol. "Mulder have you been drinking?" She asked, still aiming the weapon.

"Yeah, so I figured it would go on well with the headlines. Drunken FBI Agent Puts Yet Another Hole In His Head has a much nicer ring to it.." He smirked.

"Mulder," Scully wanted to end this, "Mulder what can I do here? You need help; you need to talk this thing out."

"Talk to who Scully? Who is going to believe me? You don't even believe me, and we are closer than any two people have ever been." He cocked back the safety and aimed. "Scully, either you leave or I am going to shoot you."

"I am not going to let you do this Mulder. Besides, even if you had the balls to shoot me, I am a much better shot." She fingered the safety on the massive weapon, releasing it.

"Scully, don't tempt me, I am a broken man with nothing to lose. She was all I had, even when you turned on me, she was all I had. You didn't even want to look at her. Did I tell you that? You never even held her Scully, wouldn't even acknowledge her. She asked after you every day, and every day I had to make excuses for you." He held the weapon true "Now she's gone and you're alive and all I want to do is have her back. God Scully, if I had the choice I would trade her for you."

Now that really hurt. He had just admitted that he would go back and change things; let her die at her own hands believing that he had raped her. "Mulder,"

"Don't 'Mulder' me Scully; you spent four years wallowing in the same self pity that I spent forty years in. Only you couldn't deal with it, you took the easy way out. And as usual I had to come to your rescue on my gallant steed and save your ass. Only this time instead of a clone of my sister, it cost me my daughter.' His voice was shaking almost as much as his hand, and yet he still held the gun.

"I am not about to get into a pissing contest with you Fox Mulder, over who has rescued whom more often. If you believe that I am not carrying my weight around here, then you will have a copy of the letter of resignation on your desk tomorrow morning." She was pissed now; this has gone on long enough. She was half tempted to shoot him anyway, just for the comment he had made.

"What Mulder, you have lost so much, and what about when I lose you Mulder? What then? Who do I have left Mulder? You are my truth Mulder. In any life I still want you. If we are chasing aliens or fireflies. Don't you get it Mulder? You always wonder why I stick around; it isn't that winning attitude of yours I can tell ya. "She wanted so bad to run to him and tell. "You off yourself in this world Mulder, and who do I have? I won't have anyone do you get it?"

""Scully, " He said simply, putting his weapon down onto the coffee table. This was a no win situation. She was right, he didn't have the balls to shoot her, rising she was struck at how disheveled his appearance had become. He wasn't one hundred percent this morning, but looking at him now, she would quantify him at around five percent. "Take me for a ride I need to get out of here." He begged.

She wasn't sure where she was headed. He sat in the passenger's side of the car, head resting on the window. They had not spoken a single word in the one hundred miles that they had traveled He had not changed or cleaned up. While he used the bathroom, she grabbed a bag and quickly tossed in a few things for the road. She wasn't sure where they were going, but putting some distance between them and DC was a good thing at this point.

She was as surprised as Mulder when she pulled into the driveway of Maggie Scully She had driven on auto pilot to return to the one place where they both felt safe.

Maggie met them in the driveway. "Dana," she began "Fox, are you all right?" She asked noting his appearance. He looked as if he were rolled hard and put away wet.

He surprised her and himself when he grabbed her into a hug. Clinging to her for dear life. "I never got the chance to really thank you Maggie." He wailed "You taught me to believe." Maggie glared at her daughter who made a glug glug glug motion with her hand out of Mulder's view. When she realized he was drunk, she played along with him. Bill had stumbled in more than a few times fifteen sheets to the wind. She knew if she could handle a drunken Irish Sailor, she could handle Fox Mulder.

"Mom, we need somewhere to crash for a few days, Mulder needs to –dry out." Maggie made a wave of her hand as if to say not to go into any more detail. Of course you can dear. I will make up the guest room." She moved along ahead to get things ready for Mulder's inevitable crash and burn.

He fell into the bed and was out within seconds flat. After getting his shoes off and rolling him under a blanket, Scully made her way downstairs to try to explain some things to her mother.

"Mom," She found her in the kitchen, baking Mulder's favorite cookies. "I want to thank you for letting us be here for a little while. We uh, have had kind of a rough weekend."

"Its all right Dana, I can tell you two are in the midst of something. Is it a case?"

"Not really Mom, this time its kind of personal. See Mulder got into a car accident on Friday."

"Oh my, should he have been drinking? Is he all right?"

"Yeah, physically he is fine, but he claims to have had I don't know a dream while he was knocked out on Friday. He claims that in the forty five minutes that he was unconscious, he lived five years."

Maggie Scully had heard it all, or so she thought. The story that her daughter began to tell of a life he dreamed was a sad one. He had loved Dana, something Maggie had known for a while. Lost her, sent her into the brink of madness, and traded his flesh for her.

"Dana, if he truly feels that Dylan existed, then no wonder he is drunk. He lost a child Dana, he has to grieve. It may seem silly and not real to you, but until you have had those feelings you would not understand." She shook her head at the memory of losing Missy. "Dana, you have to let him grieve, don't push him to get back to a regular routine. His regular routine as far as he knows is in Fresno California."

Dana didn't know what to say to her mother, she had not thought for a second that Dylan was more than a semi consciousness induced piece of fantasy in Mulder's mind. "He has been acting strangely since Friday Mom. More serious, he had me help him clean his apartment, I mean really clean.' She smirked at the very happy Frohike carting off the extra large box of porn off to his car. "So, you are saying I should humor him?"

Not humor dear." Maggie wondered not for the first time, how she had raised such a cynical child. "If you want him to get better Dana, then you have to be understanding.' She took a long sip of her coffee and sighed. "You guys are going to have to figure out some way to get closure on this, other wise he is going to be useless for a long time."

A crash from upstairs bolted both women for the stairs. Dana arrived to the guest room first. Mulder had awakened and fallen in the dizziness of a pseudo drunken hangover. "Scully," he drooled "I am not well."

"Shh its ok Mulder, I am here," Maggie came in and placed a bucket right next to Mulder, which he promptly filled. After mouthing a silent thank you to her mother, Scully went to the bathroom off of the guest room to dump the contents. She arrived back just in time for him to repeat the act over again.

She gently laid him back down once he had done. After she had the mess cleaned up, she made for the door. "Scully, please, I need you." She didn't need to be asked twice. Removing her shoes, she crawled into bed with him and placed her arms around his waist.

"I'm sorry for earlier Scully. I just hurt so badly." He mumbled

"I know Mulder, its ok to miss her, and its ok to want to trade anything to get her back." She snuggled in to him as he gently rubbed her back. "I can't begin to understand what you have been through."

He was silent for a while, and gently he leaned down and kissed her lips. His lips lingered until she had no choice but to return the favor. Kisses that started as sweet and soft turned ardent and needy. Their hands found each other in the darkness, searching, seeking needing physical contact with the other.

"Dana," He whispered huskily, "I love you. I have loved you from the first time I saw you. I loved you even when you shot me."

His admission, though unexpected, was not unwelcome. She kissed him long and lustily before answering. "Of course you love me Mulder, who else is there to put up with you? I love you too." They succumbed to the passions that had built up since the first day she strolled into the basement office.

The two people that descended the stairs were nothing like the two that had ambled up the driveway the day before. Maggie noticed a much more casual tone between them, along with something else. They finally admitted it She mused. Its written all over their faces what they did last night and they don't even know. "Good Morning you two, sleep well?" she threw at them, laughing to herself at the flushed looks on both their faces.

"Yeah Maggie, "Fox began, "we spooned up like two baby cats.' he laughed

"Shut up PoopyHead." She giggled nudging him in the chest.

Ahhh, Maggie thought. Finally.

More to xcome...

Tjanks for all the great reviewas, you guys are too kind

KEEP EM COMING!


	17. You're Not Drinking Enough

You keep tellin' yourself you can take it

Tellin' yourself that you're tough.

But you still want to hold her

You must not be drinking enough

You're not drinking enough

To wash away old memories

There aint enough whiskey in Texas

To keep you from beggin'

Please Please Please

Don Henley

Dana Scully wasn't sure how she felt about what had gone on over the week at her mother's house. Things between her and Mulder were beyond weird.

They were downright spooky

When they had given in to their long put off passions, the sex was unbelievable. He had been so giving and tender, he moved so slowly, she had gone mad with the tension of it. There was not an inch of her skin that had not been set on fire with his lips. He had driven her insane with his touches; he mauled her mouth as he placed those long tapered fingers inside of her. She couldn't catch her breath. The anticipation of the first orgasm he gave her was nothing compared to the experience of it. She shook like a tree in the midst of a hurricane. Her mind had been set to puree, and she was lost to him. He could have done anything, said anything to her at that moment and all would have been forgiven.

When he finally entered her, she was still in the throes of the first orgasm; his penetration electrified the onset of the second and third one immediately. She had heard of women being able to climax simultaneously two or three at a time. She had never actually felt it. The walls began to melt, the floors shook, and her mind went numb.

It was the best sex she had ever had, hands down. She had tingles in parts of her body that they never taught about in medical school. Her head spun from him, and even when she wasn't in his arms, she wanted to be. The first night together was amazing. If either one of them ever doubted the feelings, they were laid to rest that night. Even thinking about that night made her entire body tingle.

With all the gentle touching, sweet musings and mind blowing sex, Dana could not help but wonder what next? She had jumped into this head long, not thinking nor does caring about the long term affect. And, there was that little voice nagging her in the back of her mind. I took advantage of an emotional cripple. He had lost his daughter, and I took advantage of that.

Mulder was enjoying the time here at the Scully plantation, but he knew soon he would have to go back to DC, and clean up the messes that still covered his life there.

Life, what life?

He had to clear up his life, find a plan of action. Figure out What Happens Next.

He took another long drag off of the beer bottle, finishing it and reaching for another.

"A little early to be powering back the brewski eh G-Man?" Scully asked coming up behind him on the patio.. His long legs stretched out in front of him on the patio chair.

"You saying something woman?" He asked grinning. She had to give him credit; he knew how to defuse any situation. She did mean it; he was drinking more and more over the past few days. They had gone on a total of three beer runs, and two wine raids in the five days since pulling up into her mother's driveway. It's hard to stop a run away train.

"Mulder, we have to think about going home soon, Skinner only cleared us vacation till Monday. That's only three days away." As much as she hated to admit it, for the first time in her life, she wanted to stay home, away from work, wanted to curl up on the couch with him, goofing on daytime TV.

"Scully," he sighed, popping open yet another beer. I don't think the FBI would mind if we called in another week." He tried to sound light, but she knew he was serious.

"Aww Come on Mulder, who else are they gonna get to rid the world of mutants and fluke man?" She smiled, rubbing her hand over his back, and feeling a little hurt when he pulled away.

"I am serious Scully. At least when I taught high school students, the worst thing I had to worry about was getting to the day care center late." He threw the bottle top out of the yard for a home run.

"What are you saying Mulder?" She noted him yanking free another unopened beer bottle. That's four she counted silently.

"I don't know Scully, but you are starting to nag—"He hadn't meant for that to come out, but by the time he looked up to apologize, Scully was gone.

"All right, score one more for me." He yelled to himself. He got up and headed for the phone in the house.

Dana wasn't sure what had upset her more, Mulder's impression of Ralph Cramden, or the amount of beer he had consumed in the hour she was out there with him. She had noticed his drinking before, even albeit tactfully, had brought up a conversation with him regarding the problems Bill Mulder had the bottle. She knew he had only started drinking more than usual, but he had begun to show a real knack for it.

The front door slammed, and Mulder met her in the kitchen. "Scully, "he cooed "Dana," giving her a soft smile that she could never resist. "I am just not myself lately. And" He waved his finger at her. "I happen to know that you were told to go easy on me, though I don't think that applies to the bedroom." He flashed her one of his infamous leers.

"Mulder," she whined. "If I would have known you were this much work, I would have kicked you out of bed." She grinned, troubles forgotten.

"Oh Scully you love me and you know it," He kissed her and led her up stairs.

She lay tangled in him, bodies so entwined they could not tell where one ended and the other began. He slept there, a lazy afternoon nap, something the old Mulder was never known for.

It was sad to her that there was an Old Mulder as opposed to the new one. He was always a lost soul, and maybe that is what she found so appealing in him. Now, he lay a broken piece of the intricate puzzle she used to love to try to crack. He wasn't himself, and she knew he would fight her on returning to DC.

"Mulder," she nudged him when she noticed him opening his eyes. "Mulder, we have to return to DC tomorrow, and I know you don't want to. But I can't stand to wear the same clothes anymore, and you have to feed your fish."

"He turned to face her, kissed her on the forehead. "Yeah," he mulled, "We'll leave in the morning." He kissed her deeply, running his hands up under her shirt. He never got enough of her, he never wanted to.

They pulled up to Mulder's apartment the next morning. Maggie had packed Mulder a care package of home cooked goodies, not the least of which his favorite cookies. "You wanna come up?" He asked, cookie dangling precariously out of his mouth. He reached over and grabbed her hand, pleading with his touch. He didn't like the idea of being in that apartment alone, and he hoped she had picked up on his wordless pleas.

A slew of emotions ran through her mind in a matter of seconds before she answered him. On one hand she needed to get home and check her messages, pick up her dry cleaning, and a whole host of other errands that had not been done in the week they lazily hung around her mother's. And yet, in his eyes, she could see he did not want to go up there alone, or be in there alone for that matter. "I tell you what Mulder." She spoke before the idea had completed itself. "You run upstairs and grab a few things and come stay with me for a while."

Not skipping a beat Mulder was back to his old ways. "Why Dana Katherine Scully, what kind of boy do you think I am?" He waggled his eyebrows at her. "What kind of boy do you want me to be?" He said jumping out of the car to return before she changed her mind.

"Yay", she thought to herself. Now he can get drunk at my house. He returned ten minutes later with a larger than appropriate bag stuffed hastily with his things.

"Mulder, how long you planning on staying?" She hadn't meant it as an accusation, but the fragile egoed man shrunk from it.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I just can't take being there without Dylan." He lolled his head as they drove off.

"Mulder, she said as the car idled at a red light." You are welcome to stay with me for as long as you want." She rubbed his leg, and this time he did not pull away.

"Is that a proposal Miss Scully?" He asked teasing.

"Shut up Mulder." She laughed peeling out into the afternoon.

"Scully, what do you say we cut outta here after a liquid lunch? " He leered suggestively at her.

"We agreed Mulder, "she whispered as if they were not the only two people in the basement. "None of that here, do want them to find out and.."

"What Scully? Split us up? How about I march up to Skinner's office right now and tell him every nasty thing you do to my body." He grinned grabbing her from behind.

"MULDER!" She yelled, fighting the laughter that came easily.

"Scully, if they find out, so what? I love you and I don't really think my heart is in it here anymore. I look around and this office seems to belong to a different man." He sat back down and tried to read over a case that was opened on his desk.

They had been back at work for three weeks, and nothing had changed. Mulder still walked around the office as if he was in someone else's nightmare. She even suggested a field assignment, to which he shot down almost before she finished the sentence.

"Mulder, at some point you are going to have to make a decision about the rest of your life." She sat on the desk in front of him, flashing more leg than usual.

"God Scully, you sound like my high school guidance counselor, and I had fantasies about her too." He was afraid of what was going on under his desk.

"Mulder, focus for once I am serious."

"So am I, man my guidance counselor was hot, not as hot as you but.." he was really getting excited.

"Mulder,"

"—Ms. Gonzales, oh man I will never forget her, she had these big beautiful.."

"MULDER!"

"—brown eyes and she walked like…hey come to think of it, she was short too." He grinned, tracing a finger lazily over her exposed skin.

It had become more difficult to keep him focused on one thing, not that he wasn't always a little borderline ADHD; but at least he had a purpose then. Now, he is just floating around to keep me happy she thought. That and to get a twelve pack after work and down it while watching TV. His once gorgeous hazel eyes had begun to lose their shine, his skin was lackluster at best and he had begun to take on a smell. The smell of fermenting flesh.

She kept promising that she would talk to him, only to lose her nerve when the puppy eyes got turned on her. He didn't talk about Dylan anymore, she just kind of faded into the day to day, or he had finally managed to drink his memories of her into oblivion.

And she was starting to lose interest in him. That was the part she did not even realize until he had lived with her for a few weeks. She knew it was because of all the drinking, and the passive aggressive behavior that came with it. Her mother had warned her that they needed to find a way to find some closure on Dylan, and late last night Scully had devised a plan. The one thing that Mulder said hurt the worst was that there was no proof that she ever existed, no grave to visit, or pictures to pour over. When they had arrived at work, Scully arranged for a fellow agent to come down to the basement for a visit. She didn't know how Mulder would react to this, but she had to try something, he was sinking fast.

When Agent Faust showed up, Mulder had a quizzically comical look on his face. Visitors in the office were a rare and not welcome occurrence. Faust, a younger man with blond hair and a questionable scar across his left cheek grinned his hellos "wow, " he began turning around to take in the view like a hick's first visit to the big apple. "I can't believe I am down here."

"Hey, Billy-Bob" Mulder retorted. "How can we help? You lost?" Faust either didn't catch the sarcasm, or chose to ignore a snide comment from a senior agent.

"I am here at the request of Agent Scully." He smiled—again.

Mulder glanced up at his red headed partner who had come to stand behind him, arms folded and ey6ebrow poised to raise at any given moment. "Scully?" He asked getting a little agitated. "He's not a shrink is he?"

Both agents laughed nervously, "No Mulder, Agent Faust came down here as a favor to me for a favor to you." She grinned down at him.

"Huh?" Mulder was confused, which lately was not an uncommon occurrence.

Faust took his cue and set down the laptop that he had tucked under his arm. He typed a few keys and turned the screen toward Mulder. "I was told, by Agent Scully that you two had a sort of missing child case going on. She asked if I could come down and help put together a photo that would be more current." He grinned

Mulder's face was unreadable, until he turned to Scully out of the view of Faust and mouthed an honest thank you to her. She smiled her acceptance at him and let the two men set to work.

Three hours later, the facial program popped out a picture that made Mulder gasp for breath. He kept it hid, as far as this agent knew, he was trying to find some alien abducted baby. But it was his baby, and looking at a picture of her after having not seen her in over a month tore his heart out. He thought this would be therapeutic, the psychologist in him needed to find that all important closure of her life. Yet, seeing such a dead on picture of her somehow re opened a wound he was not ready to let heal.

Scully thanked Faust for his help, taking the disk with the photos on it and promising him the Knicks tickets as soon as the 'case' was solved. She wanted to get the Agent out of there before he was a witness to Mulder's collapse.

"I need to leave," He grabbed up the pictures of Dylan, and headed for the door.

"Mulder, wait let me come with you..." But he was already gone.

When you reach a certain level of blitzed the time still passes, but at some point you cease to notice or care. Mulder sat on the bar stool of a bar he knew Scully would NEVER think to look for him in. Every red neck in the tri state area was crammed into the Rusty Bucket O Nails for happy hour. Most looking for a date for the evening, or meeting up with one or more friends for a night of forgetting the woes of life, Mulder graduated from the George Thorogood School of Drinking-he drank alone. One hand clutched the beer bottle, while the other gingerly held on to a memory that had erupted from the computer of a stranger.

What got him the worst is that Faust had managed to capture the eyes perfectly. He even noted how much they looked like Agent Scully's. He wanted to puke as soon as he had said it. How often did those eyes get turned on him in a toy store? Or for her favorite cereal, she had a way of getting anything she wanted out of him, he would have happily given her his last drop of blood if that was what she wanted.

He ordered another beer and was surprised to see the bar beginning to empty out. He felt like he had just got there. He downed his beer and ordered one more as the maid called for last call. He ambled toward the door and began looking for a cab.

What he found was Scully, standing in front of her car with one eyebrow raised.

"How did you? NO, you didn't let the guys put that tracking device in me that night did you? I was drunk Scully" She wasn't laughing, she got into the driver's side as he passed out in the passenger's side of the car.

Morning made his head hurt, he didn't remember how many beers he had drank the night before, but they all came back to him in the bathroom. He sat with his head against the toilet, trying to catch his racing heart. "Scully," he called. "Scu-Lee?" he called again.

He wobbled through the apartment, and that was when he realized he was in his own place, and the suitcase he had taken to Scully's was parked in front of the bedroom door.

Oh Shit he mouthed. She finally ditched me.

HEy Yall, I have to say thank you for the tremendous reviews!

Faye, man you are sooo good, maybe I should just let you write the rest of this one L:LOL

If you guys are not happy with the results, wait it gets better ok?


	18. A Case Of You

You're in my blood like holy wine

You taste so bitter, and so sweet

Oh I could drink a case of you

And I would still be on my feet.

I would still be on my feet

Joni Mitchell

She cried on the way home that night. Not because she had to ask the Long Gunman for help to find Mulder, or help to get him into his apartment. No she cried because after they got him in bed and made sure he would not hurt himself, she left him there in that apartment alone.

I did the right thing. Yeah Dana, keep telling yourself that, now why don't we turn the car around and go crawl into bed with him

She had to do it this way; they had become some sick version of Sid and Nancy. He the hapless drunk and she the doting lover. He had to face his demons, hit rock bottom and admit things were out of control.

She slammed her front door and began clearing out the beer bottles left from Mulder's last bender. Yeah, she thought hauling the bag to the incinerator chute. I so did the right thing.

Mulder was not well, the toilet hadn't offered as much comfort as Scully could have, he found he needed her. He picked up the phone to call her, only to receive the caller out of area message.

"Ok Scully is maaaa-aaaad." He mused as he ran the shower. He knew from experience that she was capable of cooling down after a few days. He would take a shower, get something solid in his stomach, and go over to her house after a long afternoon nap.

Scully loaded the last of her bags into the car. She had taken another week of vacation, and had planned on being away from DC long enough for Mulder to hit rock bottom.

She knew it was coming; it hurt her to have to step away from him when it happened. She could not be reachable, if he was dependant on her; the only way to break the cycle was to cut him off

Fish or cut bait Mulder.

She pulled out of her parking space and pointed towards Maine.

Mulder awoke aware of two things. Firstly, he was sober. This was not a good way to wake up after having puked your guts out. Gives your stomach nothing to numb the pain.

Secondly, it was later than he had wanted to get up. He had to go see Scully and make nice nice, and find out how she found what bar he had holed up in. That was a neat little trick there Scully, gotta know how you did that.

He just wanted to go back to bed, but the memories began to flood into his mind again, and he needed something to dull the pain.

A quick check of the kitchen yielded no beer or anything potable.

He got dressed and went out for beer.

Scully had done something she had not done since joining the FBI. She turned her phone off and left it on the dresser at home. She had informed those other than Mulder that she was going on a much needed vacation. Truth tell, she did need one, but she had wanted Mulder to come too.

She missed him

She missed him a lot.

She pulled into the bed and breakfast by the Maine coast. It was only August, and still warm in that pat of the east coast. She had brought a stack of books to catch up on, and had planned on gorging on chocolate ice cream and trying not to think about Mulder. She hoped he at least finds the note before he really gets going.

Why did everyone tape notes to the damn fish tank? Anyone who knew him knew that those damn fish got fed less often than supermodels. He had returned with a large case of beer, (the special thirty packs) and a bag of take out. He grabbed the note off the tank and sat on the couch to go over it.

Mulder,

I had hoped that the pictures would help give you some sort of closure for your pain. I don't know how else to help you. You are sinking right before me and I can't save you this time.

I foolishly thought that my love for you could save you, If I loved you hard and fast you would not sink into the depression from the loss of your daughter. Sometimes love is not enough Mulder. I wanted to save you from yourself, but the only person that can do that is you. I guess in many ways I took advantage of you, can you blame me? You are so irresistable. I just wanted to be your saving grace Mulder, but I guess that wasn't enough.

I'm out of town for a while, I hope you find yourself soon Mulder, I love you, and when you are ready to save the world again, I will be here.

Love,

Scully

He didn't know what to do or say, he just sat there gawking at the words she had written. Was she leaving me? Or did she just need to go and lick her own wounds for a while. He put the letter down and opened the first bottle.

There were dead soldiers all over the floor, their heads were scattered here and there. It was starting to look pre Dylan again. His head pounded, and his eyes hurt. He had finished the case an hour ago, and still he could feel.

Mulder got dressed and walked down to the store for more beer.

Scully could not help but wonder what he was up to, what he was doing at that moment. She had a vague idea he was drunk, but she knew he would hit rock bottom with out her around.

Unless he kills himself first.

No, Dana, you are not going to guilt yourself into running back to DC to hold his head up while he drank more beer, you will no longer clean up after him, and he has to accept his own responsibilities.

Damn it Mulder, right when we get close, you have to go all cave man on me.

She stretched her feet and legs as she rolled over in her lounge chair. The warm late summer sun beat upon her face and made her smile.

"'Scuse me, Miss Scully?" She looked up to see one of the owners of the bed and breakfast grinning at her. The woman was older and had a kind face, her thick New England accent made it hard to understand her without straining really hard.

"Yes?" She asked covering her eyes against the bright sun

"Just wanted to see if you were all right, we don't get many people her who come alone, and then spend all their time away from everyone." The older lady placed herself into the shade so that Scully could get a better look at her.

"OK, well just checking."

Mulder lay on the floor of his apartment, he had polished off the second case, and was working on crawling to the bathroom to alleviate some of the sloshing in his stomach. The whole apartment smelled like beer, and the once merely cluttered living room was now an all out pig sty. He made his way to the bathroom, feeling sick and twisted all at once. A familiar voice chilled him to his bones and made him stone cold sober.

"Daddy," She sighed tapping her little foot. "You take a lot of work.'

"Dylan?" he squeaked, not sure if he was seeing her, or if he was just that drunk. She was dressed in her favorite clothes, her overalls and pink striped shirt. Her hair sat in two long braids.

"Daddy, PU You STINK!" she waved her little hand over her face to demonstrate how bad she thought he smelled.

"Thanks Dyl, It's good to see you too."

"She walked over to where he lay on the floor, placing her tiny hands on his cheeks. "What are you doing Dad?"

"I-I have been missing you Dyl." He grabbed her hands and pulled her close to him.

"Daddy, I don't have long here, so I am gonna make this quick and only say it once."

That was his Dyl.

"You're screwing up Daddy. You are so busy missing me, you are messing Mom up again." She put her hands on her hips and looked at him "Dad, I know you miss me, I am always around ok? You don't have to worry about me, Sam and I have a good time together."

"Samantha?" he mumbled unsure if he should have gotten the extra large mu shu pork.

"Dad, Sam is taking care of me, ok? There are so many more kids out there that need you more than I do. You know what I am saying Dad. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, Sam says I should tell you that she doesn't blame you. She doesn't want me to say, but she really did like watching The Magician, she just liked to torment you." She gave a little girl giggle that echoed throughout the entire apartment

"I love you Dyl, and tell Sam I love her too.

"Oh man Dad, Like we didn't know that." She grinned his own grin back at him. "Clean up Dad, and go helpother kids ok? Me and Sam are cool."

He passed out for one last time.

Scully heard the TV going in her apartment, she thought it would be Mulder, but wasn't sure. She had received information from one of Mulder's 'sources' that they could be in for a whole new onslaught of trouble. Secretly, she lived for the chase, when her blood got pumping hard, it made her forget. Forget her pathetic excuse for a life. No kids, ever, sorry not gonna happen, except for the little made up one that had turned her once fearless and fun partner into a quivering ball of hormones. Wonder if he had post partum depression? She mused, trying not to smile.

She quietly opened her front door, gun poised and cocked to the still form on the couch.

"You know Scully, your gonna have to stop pulling guns on me. It's starting to turn me on more than just a little and that can't be good." He rose off the couch and turned the Knick's game off.

"Why are you here Mulder?" She asked re holstering the object of Mulder's affections.

"We need to talk Scully." He said simply.

"Yeah, I guess we do."

They sat there in silence for a while, neither one of them sure how to grab the right words out of the air. This time, Scully decided to allow Mulder to run things. This is his show he needs to do this.

"I can't chase windmills anymore. I have lost so much now. Losing makes you appreciate what's not lost. You are not lost Scully. We are not lost. I am sorry about all teh drinking, I just needed to get her out of my head. I-haven't drank a bit since two days after you left."

"What are you saying Mulder?" She had plopped down next to him on the couch. They weren't facing each other, but the intimacy was still there.

"I don't even know where to start. I sat tin that office today and all I could do was think of the last time I was there. I had gone to clear out Scully. I left the X-files. And you know what, I never looked back. Dylan was my life Scully. Loved just being around her. Work was good too, no mutants or alien bounty hunters. I paid my bills, chased fireflies with her on summer nights. I went to Wal-Mart Scully."

"What, no hives?" She could not resist.

"Yeah, they had diapers really cheap."

"So what do you want now Mulder? Where do you go from here?" She could not tell where this was going; it had a morbidly gushy tone running through it.

"I want to change the world Dana, one world at a time, do you understand?" He looked at her then, took her tiny hand into his larger one and went on. "I don't ever want to replace Dylan, I never will be able to she was one of a kind." A small poignant smile chased across his face. "But I don't want to live the rest of my life on some damn quest like what I did with Samantha." He had something in his hand something sparkly she noted.

"Hey Scully,"

"Hmmm?" she asked, heart racing a mile a minute. Here it comes she thought, and I am not asleep I am awake and I am not dreaming.

"Wanna help me change the world?" his features twisted into a boyish grin

"One world at a time, right Mulder?" She asked as he slipped the small solitaire onto her finger.

"Yeah, something like that."

"Where are we going Mulder?" She asked. Sunday mornings should be spent in bed, not driving off to unknown parts of the east."

"Come on Scully, don't you trust me?" She gave him the raised eyebrow that made him slink back.

He pulled into a cemetery and parked. "Mulder what are we doing here? This isn't the day I usually visit Dad or Missy." She got herself out of the car and stretched.

He had gone around to the back of the car. "Here," he said handing her one of three flower arrangements. "Make yourself useful." They walked to the area that she knew well.

"When did you get these Mulder?" She asked inhaling the pink roses and relishing in there deep scent.

"All I can say is I know you are in REM sleep when you drool, so I know I can pretty much get away with—"

"MULDER!"

Hidden among the full trees, were Missy and her father's grave. And there in the center was a freshly dug one. She cautiously walked toward it, not knowing what to expect to see. She looked back toward him, and he nodded her to advance.

She stood in front of the fresh marker, not wanting to get too close. She read the name as a tear rolled down her cheek.

DYLAN ROSE MULDER

MARCH 19, 1998-JUNE 17, 2002

….MY WEARINESS AMAZES ME…..

She didn't know what to say, she was speechless. "Scully, I think that I finally found closure." He grinned placing the pink roses on her grave.

THE END

Please Read epilogue, it is my favorite chapter!

Sonia, Faye, LVB, MC Scully, Parker, Shadow, you guys kept me going, there were so many great responses to this stoery that I have decided to write another, though it will not start til next week, and I can tell you all it will be different, obviously not a sequel, I think after you read the epilogue you will agree that the story ended perfectly.

Gilllian Lee, Lil Scully, Msr addict, and all of you ROCK!

So will you guys want to read another ELLE THOMK production?

GIMMIE FEEDBACK AND LET ME KNOW


	19. Epilogue

Their first child was a difficult delivery. The child almost did not make it to them. Mulder had sat in the spacious kitchen of their Victorian home in Fresno. She had not known him to read anything other than case files and Celebrity Skin, but social science teachers had to keep up on current events for their classes.

"Hey Scully?" He asked grabbing her hand as she walked by. "Remember you said we could change the world?" He looked up at her, puppy dog eyes already out.

"You were the one that said we could change the world Mulder, I am just along for the ride." She leaned into him and kissed his head. He pointed to a newspaper article that had caught his eye.

Scully sat to read it, no words were spoken between them as she read. "It's so sad." She said finally. "I wish there was some—"she was stopped cold, he got the same look on his face he used to get when hot for a field assignment. "Mulder, I don't know about this, we have a hard time feeding the mollies." She looked at the picture of the little boy that had been abandoned at LAX. His brown hair and eyes and caramel skin were beautiful.

"Scully, when we got married you said you were on board with this, I am counting on you—"He got up to get his coat.

"You already arranged it didn't you Mulder?" She asked, more than a little upset and trying not to let it show. "Mulder, have you given any though to the fact that this toddler is African American, there are all kind of-"

"I don't care Scully." He said adamant in his decision, tapping his long fingers on the picture of the child in the paper. "I want him; I thought you were on board with this? Or were you just trying to get into my pants?" He grinned helping her into her coat.

"I just don't see why we have to do this now; we haven't got a thing here for a child."

"Aww come on Scully, Live dangerously, besides you know me better than that. The stuff will be here tomorrow. "He offered her a lop-sided grin.

"Mulder" she whined.

The case workers were happy to meet the Mulders. They fell in love with them right off. Though, their previous jobs were at best questionable, they seemed to fit in with their new quieter lifestyles. He was a teacher and Basketball coach for one of the local high schools, and she was a part time physician. They could not have been more perfect for fostering the little lost boy, although some of the workers thought the wife already had her hands full raising Mr. Mulder. The husband was obviously ready for fatherhood, and they sped through the process. Mrs. Daugherty was a gentle older Irish woman glad to handle their application.

Scully still had her doubts, not sure if a year after his recovery from so much was enough time for them to start a family. She did not voice her opinion at the first or second interview. During the home visit she was the perfect wife and mother to be. She happily got the forms filled out in triplicate and filed in duplicate. But in the back of her mind she wanted to scream at him for an hour non stop.

But she had agreed to this, as they stood in front of the judge at the civil ceremony, he had stopped the proceeding to make sure she knew what she was getting into. Yes she had answered, and yes again. She was in love with him, and did not care.

And, yet, he had made this decision without her, had gone against her and found their first child. Oh well, this is Mulder's crusade. But isn't that how it started the last time, she had just gone along for the ride and ended up being in the driver's seat?

The day had came for them to bring little Ryan home. They had never seen him, for the rules were set that way. The two were openly loving and affectionate to each other, and the nervousness showed on their faces as they paced the small office waiting for the worker to bring the toddler in.

When they placed Ryan in her arms, it was love at first sight for Scully, she could not have loved him more if he had been covered in her blood.

Mulder signed all the papers as Scully sat rocking the two year old in her lap. Ryan was in heaven too, there was no separating them.

"Hey Scully, so can I pick 'em or what?" He asked from over the top of the paperwork. He was more than just enjoying watching her be a mother. It was all he wanted in the first place.

Their second child was easier; it was Scully who brought him home. He had been abandoned at the hospital right after birth. Since doctors were allowed to handle adoptions in the state of California, she simply filled out the paperwork and brought him home. He had been born addicted to cocaine and had heroine in his system. When Dana had heard about him from the peds wards where she worked, she didn't even stop to call home, just went and claimed her second son. Of course the state agency was glad for them to take him. "Mrs Mulder, just come in next week and finish filing all the papers." Ms Daugherty had laughed." Are you sure about this? Now you have three boys at home"

"Don't I know it" she agreed.

"We saving the world Scully?" He asked caressing the blonde fuzz of the baby's head.

"One world at a time, right Mulder," She grinned.

"Yeah," He smiled kissing her then the baby. "Something like that."

They named the new baby Tjaden; it was Mulder who came up with this name. He had explained to Scully that the name translated from the Hebrew meant 'heard by God'

"Cause when that kid screams," He said pointing to the newborn, "EVERYONE can hear." He really did have a good set of lungs.

They both took maternity leave for Tjaden, enjoying, if not between bleary midnight feedings, the time they spent at home with their little family. Of course Mulder was the hands on parent,. He had been through this before. Scully was embarrassed that he could get the kids calmed down when all she managed to do was get frustrated. "You'll get the hang of it," he said giving her a small hug. "You're a good Mom." He reassured her a lot; maybe more than most husbands, but he felt he had to, felt he owed it to her.

They found happiness in simpler things of life, watching the kids play in the lawn, chasing fireflies with Ryan, going to Wal-Mart. Scully only would work part time, she refused to hire a nanny and didn't like leaving the boys with anyone other than Mulder. And even then, she was never sure what she would come home to when the boys were left on their own. Mulder often made experimental meals, things that tasted better than they looked. She had worked late one day when he offered her something which included barbecue sauce, eggs and pork and beans.

"Mulder!" She whined waving it away from her.

"Hey, don't knock it, Tjaden really loved it." He said popping another forkful into his mouth.

"Mulder, Tjaden sucks on his own toes, I am sure that is a step up."

Soon after the adoption was finalized with Ryan and Tjaden, Mulder received a phone call from Social Services.

"Mr. Mulder, Hi its Mrs. Daugherty, how are you? That wife kill you yet?" she had all smiles in her voice.

"Surprisingly no, apparently she loves my cooking." He joked as Scully aimed an oven mitt at him and fired. "Is there anything wrong Mrs. Daugherty?" He didn't want to sound paranoid, but could not help imagining one of the birth mothers showing up at their door.

"Nothings wrong Mr. Mulder; in fact this might be a good thing. We have a situation here, and we kind of thought this was right up your alley. "Mulder listened for a while, agreed with her that this was their party, and hung up.

"What is it Mulder?" She asked, figuring they would have to clear out one of the offices in the house to get ready for a new waif.

"Um, Scully. " He asked, easing out of the kitchen to give her the news from behind a wall. "How do you feel about having our own basketball team?" He ducked, but she was faster.

The three boys ranged in age from three to six. They were thin and wispy looking. Form what the social workers knew, the parents had been arrested for the murder of the youngest one, the baby. Apparently he had died from shaken baby syndrome, and the parents were not expected to get out of it. The only foster family they had willing to take all three boys was full already. The Mulders were a long shot, but in the end a good call. Scully was beside herself getting the house ready for their new charges. She was sure that she would have to rearrange her work schedule because two of them attended school. They had decided to give up the master bedroom, and take a smaller one figuring that the siblings would want to room together. Mulder childproofed the room and kept Ryan and Tjaden out of the way.

Tyler, the oldest had red hair and freckles, he could have easily been Scully's own kid. The six year old had the most intense sad green eyes Mulder had ever seen. Michael was a sweet sensitive five year old, while Heath, the three year old, was a terror to match Ryan.

"Mulder," Scully began as they lay in their new bedroom. "You get first watch." She rolled over and fell asleep easily, He didn't mind, it was getting easier every day, he should have done this saving the world thing sooner.

Five boys was a lot for the most patient of people, for Mulder and Scully, who had faced fluke man and murderous twins, it was a walk in the park—comparatively speaking. Scully had to cut back her hours at the practice, coming in only three mornings a week and every other Saturday. Mulder did what he could, but he began to admire his wife, she had a handle on things at home. She cut coupons, made cheap one pot meals, and put up with crap from a house of men. Maggie had moved to California shortly after Ryan came. She became the biggest help. The only time they got out to enjoy each other was when St. Maggie came over to baby-sit. No one else in the neighborhood would sit the Mulder children.

"Scully, are you happy? I mean are you ok with how things turned out?" He had never asked her this, it had been three years since coming out to California and giving up their old lives. He was always too afraid to ask her; afraid she would come to the realization that she was wasting her talents cleaning up after six little boys.

"Yeah Mulder, I think I am truly happy, just wish you guys would leave the toilet seat down more often." She smiled.

"Oh yeah, the guys wanted me to talk to you about that. Seems Tyler did the math and figured out that you are out numbered. They took a vote and decided it was you who needed to leave the seat up.' He smiled at her shocked expression.

"Those little…..Was Ryan in on this too?" It was hard for him to admit, but their first child was a real Momma's boy.

"Fraid so, " he grinned." So I guess you will be leaving that seat up now huh?"

"In your dreams G-Man" She laughed drawing him into her

"Mulder, I don't want to start a whole thing here, but I am starting to notice this house id taking on a real theme." She pointed to all the gym shoes, water guns, video games, and action figures strewn about the living room floor.

"I'll get the boys to clean up; they'll all blame Tjaden anyway. Poor kid it must suck being the youngest."

"I appreciate that, but that is not what I am talking about." She had her hands on her hips and gave him the infamous Scully glare of Death.

Uh oh, he thought, what did I do now? He mentally ran down a checklist in his mind of anything that she would possibly want to kill him for. He had thought to apologize in general, mostly for his gender.

Gender, he smiled I get it now. "No girls here? We took a vote and they are not allowed in the clubhouse." She didn't laugh and he got nervous.

"Mulder, can't we just have one girl? I feel like the den mother around here. Even Ryan has defected to the dark side; I caught him trying to shove Heath into the dryer. If I hadn't come downstairs he would have had that kid on fluff."

Mulder suppressed a laugh, but he still managed to make a noise that got him the raised eyebrow. "Aww Scully, what a bout a dog?"

"Mulder, I mean it, I know you are not done here. They are getting older and the baby will start school next year. But I am telling you I can't take one more boy. If Social services call again, you better flip the phone over and check the gender." She stormed off to go take a hot bath to peal off some of the layers of boy germs.

Women.

Christmas had become a day Fox Mulder looked forward to. He used to duck out on it and plant himself in front of the TV trying to lose his emotions in the idiot box. But after he married Scully, life had gotten sweeter, easier to handle. The boys made Christmas, he and Scully began Christmas shopping right after Halloween.

Scully's demand for a less testosterone house had not gone unnoticed by him. He did want to bring more kids into their lives. Dylan had told him there were so many that needed him more than she did. She was so right. There were only so many they could help, and though they did not have a figure in mind, he knew they were stretching themselves soon.

He had thought they would wait another few years to take in another child, but something happened that changed his mind drastically.

They were to have Christmas dinner at the home of Bill Scully; he had foolishly invited the entire Mulder clan over for dinner. The year before the three brothers had come and they had decided it would be safer to have dinner at home as a family and whoever wanted to stop by was welcomed.

Now that the new Mulder boys had been adopted into the family, Mulder figured it was safe to let them out around the rest of the family. Mulder and Scully had verbally admonished any strange happenings while out at Uncle Bill's. They had begun preparing for this outing from Thanksgiving. Even two year old Tjaden was not above the eagle eye of Mom.

"I don't know about this Mulder, I don't think the boys are ready for this." She shook her head as Michael dumped kool-aid into Ryan's plate and Tyler smacked Heath over the head for laughing at this. He did try to help maintain order, but in a lot of ways, Tyler was the worst of them all. Seems he took after Mulder the most, stubborn smart and a tendency to always be right.

Oh Brother, she thought.

"Hey Scully," He smiled "How do you feel about shock collars?"

"Where do I sign Mulder?"

"Maybe we are going about this the wrong way Scully." He was getting a little frustrated, as if home weren't bad enough, the basketball team he coached had made the state finals and he wasn't home as much as he wanted to be.

"What you mean G-Man?" she asked playfully. Glad you can still keep your sense of humor Scully; I think I am going to start plucking grey hairs by the thousands.

"We have five boys. Tyler is eight, Michael is seven, "He ticked off fingers as he counted. "Ryan and Heath are five, and Tjaden is four." He took a breath after all that. It seemed like so many more when you had to run down the list.

"What's your point Mulder?" She asked raising the eyebrow from over the medical journal she was reading as they sat up in bed.

"Well, maybe we have to be harder on them, get rid of some of their extras. You know like the video games, and the comic books. I have been reading up on blended families-"

"Mulder, we are not only blended, someone set the mixer to puree"

"-and they say," he went on trying to ignore her humor, still impressed that she could maintain it." That we should take them out as much as possible as a unit, so how about it?"

"What?" she asked, a little afraid, it was bad enough the PTA wanted to give her the Congressional Medal of Honor, just for Tyler and Ryan alone. Taking them out together was tantamount to self destruction.

"I think we should fire up the Mulder mini-van and take the boys out to dinner."

The look of horror on her face was enough to make him wish he hadn't said that. "Mulder, do you still have your Sig?"

"Scully I am serious."

"So am I."

"Scully…."

"Ok, fine, whatever, but if anything happens..."

"Yeah, I know it's my fault." He sighed, wondering just how far his boys would get him into the dog house.

Chucky Cheese never knew what hit it. The Mulder clan hit the restaurant like a hurricane; the boys flanked each section and took over. Tyler had control over the game room, while Michael busily kicked kids out of the play room and Ryan and Heath took turns dunking kids in the ball pits.

"Mulder, "she began squeezing his hand.

"I know I'll get the big ones, you get the little ones."

Mulder had a hard time rounding them up, surprisingly it took one glare from Mom to get them to the table, heads bowed feet dragging. "How did you do that?" He asked in awe of his wife yet again.

"S'ok Mulder, takes practice, you'll get the hang of it. You're a good Dad." She emphasized her point with a pat to his head. Not funny Dear. He mused.

The thing he had begun to realize before that Christmas was that she had everything under control. She spent more time with the boys, sure, but they respected her on a wholly different level. They were her minions, and she dolled out love and affection like water. They in turn, listened and returned for seconds often.

God how I love this woman.

She overwhelmed him, her capacity to love, to simply roll with the punches. All she wanted was one girl. He could do that, as long as she bore no resemblance to a certain red haired little girl that once took care of him.

They had finished their Christmas shopping, no small task. Mulder mulled back to a time when that included one person; he pushed that thought out of his head. Can't afford that one he mused. You're ok though Dyl, though I gotta tell you we could really use you around here.

They had hid all the presents in the attic, though he was seriously considering setting up an armed guard there. They were sneaky little boys. He could not blame this on genetics; instead he pointed it back to the last name. Seems once they all officially became Mulders, that's when the fun began.

Scully looked so happy, planning her own Christmas for her own family after so many years of living vicariously through her brothers. She decorated the house until it looked like elves had puked all over it. He loved it.

Christmas Eve, Scully stayed in the kitchen, giving Mulder explicit instructions to keep the boys and himself outta her hair. He had taken the boys out into the yard to throw around the ball and play a little catch. His cell phone rang while he was yelling for Tyler to stop tormenting his brother. That's the thing when you have a lot of kids. Sometimes you forget names and just run down a list until you hit the right one.

"Mulder here." Some old habits were hard to break.

"Mr. Mulder," the voice smiled. "How is your Christmas?" Ms Daugherty could here the kids giggling in the back ground; she thanked god everyday for people like the Mulders.

"It's good, but somehow I have the feeling it is about to get really crowded." He laughed.

"Have I got a Christmas present for you." She began.

Christmas morning came and the boys were up jumping around their parents bed like cannibals dancing at the large pot. Mulder tried to ignore them, but Scully would not let him.

"Mulder, you need to do something with them. " She moaned putting the pillow over her head.

"Uh Uh G-woman, they are yours too." He laughed taking the pillow from her.

"Mom, Dad get UP! It's freaking Christmas!" Mulder and Scully looked at Michael trying to decide who to blame for the onset of their son's potty mouth.

"He gets that from you." They accused simultaneously.

They went down into the living room and Mulder put on the coffee. And Scully got everyone lined up in their spots to exchange gifts.

"Whose turn is it to play Santa this year?" He asked passing her a cup of Joe

A chorus of 'mines' went around the room .until the Mom glare came out. They knew not to push her, especially when they were so close to getting presents.

"Hmmm, I think it is Heath's turn to play Santa this year." Scully announced as they settled in and the boys began tearing open gift after gift.

Mulder and Scully always exchanged last, while the kids were wrapped up in their excitement. "Scully," He said looking out the window as if anticipating something. He handed her a box, and she ripped it open faster than one of the boys.

She blushed at the ring, it had a birthstone for each one of the boys, she loved it. "Mulder this is so beautiful, it kinda goes along with the gift I have for you." She shyly hands him a small box.

"What he saw in there defied logic, defied any sort of reality. She relished at the look on his face, trying hard not to have a giggle fit. "How?" he asked completely dumbfounded.

"Mulder, If I have to tell you, then we have a problem." She was really giggling now.

"When?" He had not changed expression, just sat there looking as stupid as ever.

"July fourth," She laughed. He grabbed her, held her close and cried.

"Scully, I have to tell you about your gift."

Just then the doorbell rang.

Mrs. Daugherty placed the tiny little bundle in the hands of Mrs Mulder. She squealed at the pink hat. "Is she?"

"Yeah but your husband didn't tell you did he?" She beamed as another bundle was produced for Mulder to hold onto.

"MULDER!" she whined

"I think next Christmas we get a bigger house ."He grinned.


End file.
